Today, after staying up all night at my friend's house, I woke up to something I couldn't identify on my cheek, so I slapped it away. When I heard crying, I opened my eyes and realized it was my friend's three year old sister who was trying to be sweet by kissing me on the cheek. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML
Today, my 2-year-old son put his hand on my face, gave me a sweet kiss, and put his cheek against mine. Then he slapped me hard enough to leave a mark, laughed, and scrambled away. FML
Today, I was awakened by a small scary dark figure approaching me while making creepy noises. I screamed, kicked it away, and buried my face under my pillow. Later, after braving up, I turned on the lights. It was my sick 3-year-old niece, now dazed and coughing blood. FML
Today, I walked my girlfriend home. As I kissed her goodbye, I heard a high-pitched scream and turned just in time to see her little brother charge head-first into my nuts. All because I kissed her on the cheek. FML
Today, I went in for a hug with my friend, but she leaned in for a kiss on the cheek at the same time. What followed was a full-on awkward face collision where I ended up kissing her on the lips. We both stood there, staring at each other before I muttered, “Sorry, gross." She really took it personally. FML
Today, I woke up to somebody shaking my shoulder. I had slept over at a friend's house, so I assumed my friend was just fooling around. With my head under the pillow, I swung my hand at his face then gave him the finger. Turns out, my friend left for basketball and I had slept in. It was his mom. FML
Today, I woke up to my creepy new roommate licking my cheek. FML
Today, I snuck up on my girlfriend to give her a kiss. Only after I planted a big one did I realize it was not my girlfriend, or even a girl for that matter. FML
Today, I woke up in a pool of what felt like sweat and tears. Little did I realize, my then-girlfriend had snuck into the house and drenched me in salty water to get me back for kissing her sister. I guess we're even now. FML
Today, my little sister was playing with her building blocks. All of a sudden, she began to cry and held her finger out to me. Assuming she had hurt it, I kissed it better, and tasted something odd on my lips. Turns out she wasn't hurt, she was crying because she had touched cat vomit. FML
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Top comments
aback 5
Kid's lucky you're not one of those who wake up swinging. Buy her something nice and give her a big hug as an apology.
Stupidpeopleanno 5
You never know if she was trying to sneak attack you. I salute you for being on your guard even in the midst of sleep!
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Comments (111)
FrankiezZ_Rock 5
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! This was hilarious! Poor baby though...
maybaybe 0
Aww, F the little girl's life.
justbigbs 6
Poor baby, now get her something nice to make up for it
Hmoyler151 4
Lol jerk
Keylogger_0 0
The OP didn't say WHICH set of lips she used. Suspicious...
macskapingvin 0
She didn't say lips at all. She said "kissed" which definitely means the mouth.
lexi122333 0
it said cheek
dudeitsdanny 10
We're talking about a little girl.. It's just sick that you even questioned that.
daeval14 0
It could be her ass cheek...
knockoutmouse 8
That sucks for the kid, but I sympathize with the OP. It's just an automatic reaction. Could've been worse, actually--some people tend to thrash pretty violently when woken unexpectedly.
CaptainJ1000 1
I suppose that's better than a kiss from the stepfather...
jessyrob 0
poor kid! I woulda felt terrible if I were you...
xspoiltprincessx 1
aww poor girl
sandabelle25 0
THIS IS SO FUNNY...I keep laughing over and over at this LMAO but that kid is scarred for life