Today, after staying up all night at my friend's house, I woke up to something I couldn't identify on my cheek, so I slapped it away. When I heard crying, I opened my eyes and realized it was my friend's three year old sister who was trying to be sweet by kissing me on the cheek. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML
Today, my 2-year-old son put his hand on my face, gave me a sweet kiss, and put his cheek against mine. Then he slapped me hard enough to leave a mark, laughed, and scrambled away. FML
Today, I was awakened by a small scary dark figure approaching me while making creepy noises. I screamed, kicked it away, and buried my face under my pillow. Later, after braving up, I turned on the lights. It was my sick 3-year-old niece, now dazed and coughing blood. FML
Today, I walked my girlfriend home. As I kissed her goodbye, I heard a high-pitched scream and turned just in time to see her little brother charge head-first into my nuts. All because I kissed her on the cheek. FML
Today, I went in for a hug with my friend, but she leaned in for a kiss on the cheek at the same time. What followed was a full-on awkward face collision where I ended up kissing her on the lips. We both stood there, staring at each other before I muttered, “Sorry, gross." She really took it personally. FML
Today, I woke up to somebody shaking my shoulder. I had slept over at a friend's house, so I assumed my friend was just fooling around. With my head under the pillow, I swung my hand at his face then gave him the finger. Turns out, my friend left for basketball and I had slept in. It was his mom. FML
Today, I woke up to my creepy new roommate licking my cheek. FML
Today, I snuck up on my girlfriend to give her a kiss. Only after I planted a big one did I realize it was not my girlfriend, or even a girl for that matter. FML
Today, I woke up in a pool of what felt like sweat and tears. Little did I realize, my then-girlfriend had snuck into the house and drenched me in salty water to get me back for kissing her sister. I guess we're even now. FML
Today, my little sister was playing with her building blocks. All of a sudden, she began to cry and held her finger out to me. Assuming she had hurt it, I kissed it better, and tasted something odd on my lips. Turns out she wasn't hurt, she was crying because she had touched cat vomit. FML
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Top comments
aback 5
Kid's lucky you're not one of those who wake up swinging. Buy her something nice and give her a big hug as an apology.
Stupidpeopleanno 5
You never know if she was trying to sneak attack you. I salute you for being on your guard even in the midst of sleep!
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Comments (111)
skyeyez9 25
I felt something on my cheek once and slapped it away from me. Except I realized it was a huge wolf spider and not a toddler.
missfmylife101 0
hahahahahahahhgahahahaha I'm dying lmao !!!
xGraycloud 4
such a bitch.
sikkar 0
You will burn in hell for this!!!
DakotaCat 4
Aww.. Is her name by any chance Remora?
MaddaCheeb 0
you asshole
Blake4477 0
You should feel terrible!!! Poor baby was just trying to be sweet!!! Hope you bought her something nice in return, if not you suck as a human being!!!
celerysticks381 0
I know it sounds bad but this is one of the few FML's I actually laughed at... I don't know why though..
smoky13874 0
Awww poor little girl. just trying to be nice...
RainbowEmo321 0
poor kid