Today, after soccer practice I was looking for my dad. Last night he was an hour late, so I was pretty pissed. When I spotted him, I saw him flirting with a much younger woman. I then tried throwing my soccer ball to his feet, but ended up slamming his head. Only to find out he wasn't my dad. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was kicking my soccer ball with my father. My mom pulled out in the car without checking and ran into to me. FML
Today, I went to my son's soccer game. I cheered his name at the top my lungs and waved with a grin on my face. I saw him whisper something to a team mate so I watched the film my husband took later that night. His friend asked, "Who is that?" and my son replied, "I don't know some fat bitch." FML
Today, I was walking home from piano lessons when I saw my dad on a bike, so I shouted after him. He turned his head around and then ran into a tree. It wasn't my dad. FML
Today, I was at a soccer game when some guys walking behind me yelled that I had a nice ass. I then heard someone shout, "Hey, assholes. That's my daughter." He yelled at them for quite a while. He wasn't my dad, just some weird dude. FML
Today, my dad was completely engrossed in a football game on TV, so, trying to be cute and funny, my mom flashed him. He didn't notice, but I did. FML
Today, at a soccer game held by my girlfriend's family, some idiot went to kick the ball, missed by a mile, and hit the ground hard. So I started a slow, sarcastic clap. I got a load of angry looks, followed by verbal abuse when we found out he'd split his head open on the ground. FML
Today, I went to my son's school soccer game. Unfortunately, I couldn't get excited about it because my idiot son kept diving the moment anyone so much as breathed on him. It eventually earned him a penalty shot that won him the game. I was so ashamed, I snuck out to avoid being seen with him. FML
Today, my dad threw my boyfriend into the street naked. We weren’t even having sex, I was fully dressed in the kitchen, and my boyfriend was showering after his rugby game. My dad is also his teammate, and it was all a stupid prank by the team. I hate jocks sometimes. FML
Today, my parents dragged me along to a family soccer game. I got so bored watching a bunch of grown men practically buttfucking each other between kicking balls around the field, that I fell asleep. I woke up a few hours later to an empty field and had to walk five miles back home. FML
Today, I argued heavily with my dad over being dragged to a family game of lacrosse. All through the game, he kept "accidentally" hurling the ball straight at me on the sideline. After he eventually nailed me straight in the heart, he screamed at me to "get out of the fucking way". FML
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Top comments
philzilla 1
Two things: first, you may need glasses second, good throw from a distance
marinus_fml 20
You don't learn anything in soccer practice anyways...
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Comments (110)
joeinthedark 18
Smooth move Ex-lax! How exactly do you confuse your own father with a stranger? And where did you learn that throwing things at your parents was an acceptable response to anything? I think the true FML is for your folks, who have to put up with a sassy pants like you. Perhaps that's why daddy was late coming to get you?
jkgfdxb 0
be happy he wasn't your dad:) you can't get grounded
Cinn_fml 23
Unless the guy talks to his dad...
you_freak 7
Spoilt brat! He's probably busy trying to earn a living so you can actually play soccer, go to school or even just provide a roof over your head!
philzilla 1
Two things: first, you may need glasses second, good throw from a distance
Mehness 0
Have you ever been hit in the face by a soccer ball? Yeah, it... doesn't really suck at all. Just stings a bit.
kylelush 0
your not a very good soccer player...
akademika 0
well i hope you have better aim with your feet if you're gonna play soccer
x5xfmlx5x 0
I did somethin like that I was in the bathroom at the mall n I told my mom I need a tampon n she said she had 1 in her purse so I said ok n I walked into the bathroom n then called her name n I thought she didn't hear me so I was like mom give me the damn tampon hello she never came into the bathroom wit me she was standin outside the door I was yellin at some random woman
anorexicbarbie 8
Oh god...
DocBastard 40
barbie - I'm with you on this one. Holy hell, that comment made my brain hurt.
DocBastard 40
Ugh...thanks, pen. I think I need something stronger than that. *takes 2 margaritas*
RedPillSucks 33
my lips move when I read. Because there was no punctuation, I passed out.
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
Ugh. This one might require a dip into your intensive drugs trailmix, pen. Hey RPS, wanna read my secret tattoo? ;)
Xavi89 0
a soccer ball is should be played with your feet not your hand. that's why you fail!
Jimboom 12
On your head son!