Today, after a twelve week dry spell followed by an eight week one, I decided to take a bit more initiative at seducing my girlfriend. Not only was she "not in the mood" again, but she offered me Trident Layers gum instead. She apparently thought that it was a fair trade. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a good idea to go down on me with chewing gum in her mouth. I spent the next hour and a half getting Orbit out of my pubes. FML
Today, my girlfriend came home with new condoms: Manix Endurance containing a numbing gel designed to help me "last longer". FML
Today, my girlfriend was going down on me. She only did it for 30 seconds, stopped, then said, "I'm not in the mood anymore." FML
Today, I was trying on lingerie in the dressing room of Victoria’s Secret with my boyfriend next to me. I told my him in a seductive, playful tone “You can stay and watch if you give me a piece of your gum.” He said “No I only have three more” and left the room. FML
Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML
Today, I was laying in bed making out with a girl. After trying to figure out for a while why she was spending so much time on my neck it finally hit me. She was frantically and secretly trying to remove the gum she got stuck in my hair. She failed. FML
Today, to show that he really wanted me to shave myself, my boyfriend pretended to go down on me, but instead of following through, he stuck a wad of gum in my pubic hair and got back up. FML
Today, my wife told me she was very horny as we have not had sex in about two weeks, so I told her to do something for me to get me in the mood. She sighed and then went upstairs to get ready for work. FML
Today, my wife decided to end our dry spell of four months and started dry humping and kissing me in bed. Things were going well until she orgasmed from the activity and declared that she was too tired to do any more, rolled over, and fell asleep. Five months or bust. FML
Today, I went to my girlfriend's and she was wearing some sexy lingerie. After making out passionately for 10 minutes, I started to undress myself, only to have her stop me, confessed that she still wasn't sexually attracted to me. FML
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Top comments
spinky03 7
Maybe you're not doing it right.
Pwib 14
Brush your teeth.
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Comments (236)
Webslinger66 10
I wish I got turned down with gum. Why don't I ever get paid in gum? I'm so commercialized.
Wildee 0
I can't help but laugh at the comments deemed "negative" on this post. It's obvious that it isn't working (because of your efforts OR the mutual attraction) so just end it, OP. Do yourself, and her, a favour. And why thumb that down? It's not healthy to be in an adult/adolescent relationship without any sexual contact for that kind of time!
kkillaj 5
If I were u would suspect something was up with her and another guy plus I could not go that long without sex i would talk to her and make things change or dump her
Glassmaster 0
No one ever pays me in Trident Layers...
Roland2124 8
Since people get paid in Trident layers gum does that make you a prostitute? just sayin
jayz78 0
dude, weeks w/o sex... whats the point of having a steady gf? sounds like u've already been married 10 yrs. Get out now
blutigenbonbon 10
No one pays me in gum :(
alki_fml 5
Whatever the problem is, you need to talk to her and find out what's going on before you do anything else.
SpeakOutLoud 1
Hey, she paid you in gum not to have sex. Those people in the Trident Layers commercials are jealous of you! xD
Taurus_ChicKa 37
Am I the only one who was bothered by how the start of this FML was worded? A twelve week dry spell followed by an eight week one? Why not just say a 20 week dry spell?
gravygecko 2
I assumed it meant that they went 8 weeks, had sex, then went 12 weeks.
CheeseHater 23
It does, Taurus_ChicKa is a retard.