Today, I came home to my mentally unhinged roommate jacking off to a frozen TV frame of Peggy Hill from King of the Hill. When he saw me, he threw an ash tray at me and told me to get out. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I walked in on my roommate whacking off to clown porn. FML
Today, my room-mate came out of the bathroom, tossed a Playboy on the coffee table, threw away a used condom, dug his hand into my bag of Doritos, and washed his hands. In that order. FML
Today, my roommate came home and instantly began raging, cursing, and threatening to kill me. While I was cowering in my bedroom, the police had to settle the situation. All I'd done was rearrange some furniture. FML
Today, I walked in on my roommate flat-ironing his pubic hair. FML
Today, I got sent home early because a large fire broke out at work. I was greeted by the sight of my cocktard of a "boyfriend" making out on my sofa with another woman. He actually had the audacity and brass balls to claim he thought she was me. FML
Today, I came home and walked into my living room to see my roommate passed out naked, porn autoplaying on the living room TV, a killed 12-case of beer, and dried jizz all over the couch from God knows how many loads. “I thought you were coming home tomorrow,” he said. At least the sofa is leather. FML
Today, I walked in on my drunk roommate grinding up stale marshmallows and attempting to snort them. FML
Today, I tried coming on to my fiancé. He just pushed me off and got out of bed, saying he wasn't in the mood. A half hour later, I caught him jerking off to several windows of porn. FML
Today, I woke up to hear my boyfriend drunkenly crashing around in the living room, after peeing in an ashtray because he thought it was a urinal. FML
Today, I was watching our home security cameras from work when I saw my husband get home and grab a beer. I activated the camera microphone and told him to put it back and fold the laundry. He flipped off the camera, chugged the beer, and started jacking off on the living room sofa. FML
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Top comments
lexiieeex3 32
I read this too quickly and thought you said that you walked in on your roommate jacking off to Frozen. As bizarre as it is, I found great relief in reading the entirety of the FML.
Mynamewontfi 40
That boy ain't right, I tell you hwat.
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Comments (78)
feliciaheartu 21
What the hell?!
couchcat 25
Well I would say F His L
whatunicorn 17
Right? time for a new roommate. .
ObeyTheWaves 11
I think you mean, "What the Hill?!"
weveallbeenthere 30
why Peggy Hill?
websphere69 27
Did he want some propane with that?
Sangue0608 26
That may have been slightly funny if it were Hank.
ralphnader 13
Don't mock the greatness that is propane. Taste the meat, not the heat!
oceaneyes213 21
Bwaah!
Sangue0608 26
That's just something you can't unsee...
Ihavegas 22
dude privacy man, a quick release is all man needs to start the day.
lexiieeex3 32
I read this too quickly and thought you said that you walked in on your roommate jacking off to Frozen. As bizarre as it is, I found great relief in reading the entirety of the FML.
Sangue0608 26
That's what I seen at first too lol.
Dave_Davington 34
If that were the case, then "let it go" would carry a whole new, and arguable far more important, meaning.
teentee401 37
Glad I'm not the only one who thought that at first
jkp1291 25
I don't know, Elsa's pretty hot for an animated character.
Mynamewontfi 40
That boy ain't right, I tell you hwat.
KILJOY310 11
He obviously into anime. Start printing off pictures of different female cartoon characters and leave them laying around. Lol
Myo_fml 20
King of the Hill is not anime.
AnyaS 19
King of the Hill is my favorite anime.
Nygma 14
King of the Hill is not anime.
DanCastellaneta 17
Well I guess if Cory in the House is anime KotH classifies as one too :-)
tiger820 20
was it a glass or plastic ash tray? that makes a big difference....... ?