Today, a month after my 21st birthday, I received my health exam results. I don't remember the night of the birthday because I was hammered. However, I called my friend and it's now clear that the stripper they paid to have her way with me, had Chlamydia. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my birthday, was going great until my boyfriend received a text from a girl saying he gave her chlamydia. Now I have no boyfriend, but at least I have the chlamydia keeping me company. FML
Today, a girl I recently slept with messaged me, explaining through a rendition of "Call Me Maybe" that she'd given me chlamydia. FML
Today, it's my birthday, and I had one to many and my best friend and my boyfriend had to take me home. We went back to my apartment and all squeezed together in my bed. During the night I got sick and spent the rest of the night on the bathroom floor. Later I found out that they'd fucked in my bed. FML
Today, at my physical, I found out that my ex-boyfriend who broke up with me 4 months ago was not only cheating on me, but had also manage to catch chlamydia and give it to me. I'm now dating someone else, so I had to explain that I've had chlamydia for 4 months without knowing, and he should probably get tested. FML
Today, I found out that my boyfriend cheated on me by testing myself for STIs/STDs and got a positive result for chlamydia. FML
Today, after trying for months for a baby, I finally got a positive test. For chlamydia. FML
Today, during an unrelated appointment with my GP, he offered me a free check for chlamydia. Despite me reassuring him that I was STI free, he insisted that I should undergo the test. I ended up agreeing, only because I was too embarrassed to admit that I'm still a virgin. FML
Today, after I got wasted about 5 months ago and lost my virginity to a total bitch I used to work with and regretted it straight away, this morning she texts me that she’s pregnant, and that I should probably get an STD screening because she also just found out she has gonorrhoea. FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my phone rang. We continued to have sex while I took the call. It was my gyno calling to tell me that I tested positive for chlamydia and that I needed to tell my partner. Yeah, sex ended real quick. FML
Today, at my bachelorette party, I got so wasted, I ended up giving my stripper a lap dance because he "wasn't doing it properly". There's photos. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Sparkiee93 3
Don't be a fool, wrap your tool. You won't get sick if you cover your dick. If you think she's spunky cover your monkey. Don't be silly, cover your willy. Before you attack her wrap your whacker. Don't be a loner cover your boner. Sex is cleaner with a packaged wiener. Don't let your affection give you an infection, put some protection on that erection. IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO WRAP IT JUST GO HOME AND WHACK IT
Babushka_Homyak 10
That is ****** up. Get new friends.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (120)
momo1972 3
happy birthday
alex1432 9
Giggity!!!
dougierocks 13
hey, it's only been a month... just hope there aren't any more surprises in your future!
mendoza2909 1
Poor guy, your sex life is completely ruined.... FOR ABOUT TWO WEEKS. Stop being a bitch, and go to the doctor, he'll give you a prescription and you take it the same day. Done. (Obviously I've had it as well, its a burden being so handsome) Your friends are awesome tho.
sallen0046 4
You're a total idiot. A stripper that has any kind of sex with you for money is not a stripper, she's a hooker. You had sex with someone you didn't know. Your fault. You had sex with someone your friends paid to screw you. Your fault. You had unprotected sex not just with someone you didn't know, but with a hooker. Your fault. You deserve to have something that can't be cleared up with an antibiotic. It's people like you that are the reason these diseases are so prevalent.
blondeandhot 0
then get a different stripper, check my profile TEXT DONT CALL I only get paid in singles and have unlimited text
lordlekal 17
#23,Guys can still get it up, just makes it much more difficult.
Shinygirlnz 1
You're an idiot. Get some antibiotics and learn to take some personal responsibility. And your friends sound like tools, which makes me wonder why you're hanging out with them. Are you just as bad? Grow up. Curb your drinking, moron.
shuzuko 2
Oh for ****'s sake it was his 21st. Where do you get the idea that he drinks like this all the time? I'm 23 years old and have been blackout drunk twice: once, in high school before I knew my tolerance, and on my 21st birthday. It's basically tradition to drink to near-alcohol poisoning- most people just make sure they do it with friends they can actually trust, unlike this idiot.
sallen0046 4
Yes, of course. You're absolutely right. It's completely acceptable to get "black out drunk" and have unprotected sex with hookers as long as it's on your 21st birthday. You can't possibly be this ignorant.
AwesomerThanYou 0
WTF - Stripper, honestly? Society has gone down to practically nothing nowadays. What a shame. SERVES YOU RIGHT FOR TAKING ADVANTAGE OF A STRIPPER! Juss Sayin.
Sly_Assassin 11
How did he take advantage if he was extremely drunk to the point he didnt even remember that night?
kwintalamillah 6
lmao happy birthday!
541MedfazWcM 0
agreed