Today, my entire family of five is sharing one roll of toilet paper. My parents refuse to buy any, because my father can get it free from his work. He's forgotten to bring any home every day without fail for the past seven days. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I realized that the reason there is no toilet paper in the house is because both my parents are too stubborn to be the one who goes out to buy more. It's been five days. FML
Today, my dad hid the toilet paper and is charging me 50 cents a roll. FML
Today, after a day, I finally noticed that the toilet paper I'd been using to wipe my butt is actually a roll of paper towel cut in half. My dad thinks that it's a waste of money to buy proper paper. Guess who had to unclog the toilet twice. FML
Today, my household ran out of toilet paper so we have to shower after every dump. My mom just confessed that she does in fact have money for shit tickets, but won't buy any because it's the only way she can get my brother to shower. FML
Today, I ran out of toilet paper. I yelled from the bathroom for my parents to bring me some toilet paper. My dad slipped one tiny piece of toilet paper under the door and boomed, "THE FINAL TEST." FML
Today, as he was going out, I asked my father if he stop by the store and buy some tampons for me and toilet paper for the house, because we have been out for the last 5 days. He came home with a 30-pack of beer and cigarettes instead. I just started my time of the month and we have no more money. FML
Today, the only reason I have toilet paper is because someone decided to teepee my driveway and left an entire roll behind. FML
Today, I went to change the toilet paper roll. I failed. It was the last roll of the "right kind," and my wife is "fine" and "not mad." Let the confinement continue. FML
Today, I took a dump at work, when I realized there was no toilet paper left. There was another guy in the room, so I asked him for some. He decided he'd rather dump all the rolls of paper into the other toilets, before wishing me luck and walking out while laughing his ass off. FML
Today, I went to the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. Right as I sat down and started taking a dump, I looked over at the empty toilet paper roll and remembered his roommate had told us the night before that they were out of toilet paper. FML
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Top comments
Doortje 30
Wow your parents are cheap. Just buy your own, and let no one use it.
Sparx1_1 16
"get it free from work" usually means "steal it from work" and your dad hasn't forgotten. He's probably being watched by the supervisor. He's not only cheap but he's a criminal and he's going to look like an absolute idiot when he has to tell people he lost his job for stealing toilet paper. FYL, it really sucks when you have to suffer because your parent are idiots. What else does your dad get "free" from work?
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Comments (92)
Doortje 30
Wow your parents are cheap. Just buy your own, and let no one use it.
AmeenWhoElse 0
thats why i always keep a secret stash in the tank of the toilet tightly sealed in a plastic bag
mrnorth 0
lol I like the way you think there I should try that
VinegarStrokes 0
If you're that poor then just go to a public restroom somewhere and take a roll that they've got.
primadonna9396 16
Exactly... It might suck to lower yourself to nicking a roll or two from the gas station shitter, but it sucks even worse to a) have an unwiped ass or b) paying a plumber to pull the newspaper and leaves out of your pipes.
jokerstyle33 0
That's a crappy situation. fyl op
summersizzle 0
you should make sense.
traze 7
WTF! A roll cost like 69 cents.
emilyxorawr 3
Use your socks.... Or your hands :)
TheDrifter 24
Or the shower curtain, or the for looking at only towels that op's mother likely has in the bathroom. I like solutions that lead to more solutions.
MegaTroller_fml 5
Or they could use money bills. Wait..that's right.
BonyorBobby 4
Isn't it 'You should forget that you're not supposed to shit on people..like your dad'? :D
Luke1717 0
take it and hide it for yourself and say it's all gone so you can use it or they might buy more
Sparx1_1 16
"get it free from work" usually means "steal it from work" and your dad hasn't forgotten. He's probably being watched by the supervisor. He's not only cheap but he's a criminal and he's going to look like an absolute idiot when he has to tell people he lost his job for stealing toilet paper. FYL, it really sucks when you have to suffer because your parent are idiots. What else does your dad get "free" from work?
Phorenzix 0
You shouldn't shit where you eat.
none_for_me 5
My thoughts exactly. Next fml from op is "my dad got fired for stealing tp now we have no money to buy tp or food.
Sparx1_1 16
Idiot. If you take things that do not belong to you it's stealing - even if your direct supervisor does not care enough to do anything about it. Your dad was lucky that his boss didn't care. Believe it or not, people have lost their jobs over stealing little things like toilet paper, pens, paper etc. Think before you speak next time. "Duuerrrrrp stealing is ok."
LilaBear 2
oh lighten up you lot. Lots of people are perfectly allowed to get free stuff from work, either as rewards or coz there's surplus or just coz they work there.
thrAsHeRr9081 16
Procter and Gamble employees get free shit. I used to work there, dumb asses.
Sparx1_1 16
ohh sorry I didn't check your profile until just now and didn't realize you were whole 21 years old. I bow to your extensive personal knowledge and life experience oh wait, never-mind, because you don't know shit. The real world is going to chew you up and spit you up like old gum.... good luck with that.
Acousticpixie14 6
Did anyone consider the fact that maybe OP's father works somewhere that has to do with toilet paper? It's entirely possible that hi company does indeed give him free toilet paper. OP, however, is an idiot. Go buy your own damn toilet paper. Or blow up your dad's phone right around when you know he's getting off of work. It's not rocket science.
howsitgoingjc 2
stupidest comment ever. wow.
Acousticpixie14 6
If that was directed towards me, then you're an idiot.
DenBriZel 31
Sounds to me like OP's dad is stealing. It says he forgot to get one every day for the past week. That seems like he gets one per day or something like that. I would assume that if he is actually allowed to have free toilet paper that it would be more than one roll per day. Idk, that's just my take on it.
nnnntr 17
Just because he gets it for free doesn't mean he's stealing it. How about you quit being a judgmental bitch and worry about yourself
mikuxxhatsune 32
Sounds like he is stealing. My dad works at a packaging factory so we normally get a ton of free salad dressing or cards (usually with minor defects like a broken cap or peeled label) but this happens once every now and then. Say OP's dad works at a toilet paper company and gets free toilet paper every now and then. They wouldn't have enough toilet paper to sustain them during the period they get free tp and the next time they get more tp.
Ninjafriends 1
Give your dad some laxatives and he won't be forgetting anymore.
satomi_ishida 0
Lol, I second that. Cause I doubt he'll be happy resorting to using newspaper or having soiled underpants.
Kerry_Joy 0
Since you can't stop shit from happening, go get your own or ask a neighbor for a roll. I'm sure if you offerred someone a buck they would make sure your ass was covered.