Today, a girl I recently slept with messaged me, explaining through a rendition of "Call Me Maybe" that she'd given me chlamydia. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I confessed my feelings to the guy I've been seeing. He confessed that he gave me chlamydia. FML
Today, my ex, who I'm still in love with, emailed me. I thought she changed her mind about us, so I poured my heart out to her. She just wanted to let me know she has chlamydia, and advise me to go to the clinic. FML
Today, I found out that my boyfriend cheated on me by testing myself for STIs/STDs and got a positive result for chlamydia. FML
Today, my coworker, who has a tendency to overshare, decided to tell me she has chlamydia. I threw my hands in the air and said, "Stop. I don't wanna know." A customer heard this exchange and we were both written up. FML
Today, I woke up to a text from my girlfriend telling me to call when I wake up. Turns out she had one of her friends over who tested positive for Covid and I was just at her house, so now I’m forced to quarantine. FML
Today, while I thought my brother was playing with my new phone, he was actually texting a bunch of my friends that I have chlamydia. He deleted his texts so I wouldn't see them, and I spent a half-hour trying to figure out why I kept getting texts of shock and sympathy. We're both in our 20's. FML
Today, on my shift as a nurse, I asked a pregnant woman what she would name her child. She said she saw the name "Chlamydia" on a billboard and decided to name her daughter that, saying it was "beautiful." I informed her that it was an STD, and she replied, "Oh, well no one knows that!" FML
Today, after trying for months for a baby, I finally got a positive test. For chlamydia. FML
Today, at 1am, the girl of my dreams that I've been trying for over three years to date, finally asked me out via SMS. Too bad I was asleep at the time. She now thinks I've rejected her, and will no longer speak to me. FML
Today, the girl of my dreams that I've been dating for months called me. Apparently she's been having recurring nightmares of me cheating on her. She dumped me "just in case." FML
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Top comments
toxic_walrus 15
She gave you chlamydia AND has bad taste in music? You sure know how to pick em!
tj4234 36
Hey, i just ****** you. And this is crazy. I have chlamydia. So now you do maybe. Also, Sirin is the best, she's so cool. I wish she were my mum and all.
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Comments (224)
toxic_walrus 15
She gave you chlamydia AND has bad taste in music? You sure know how to pick em!
JMichael 26
I laughed harder than I should have at this. Anyway OP sorry to hear about your unfortunate situation.
kuzzy00 22
"Stop sleeping with raggedy bitches"
Danny_Boy12 13
You shoulda texted back "I wasn't looking for this."
jake_braves 25
This is a terrible situation, at least chlamydia is treatable and she told you before it's too late. But dang..
lnheritance 19
Doesn't matter, had sex. And it's gone. Sorry to hear it though OP, at least now you know to stay clear from her.
Helpfulman 17
At least chlamydia is very easy to cure. Use a condom next time if you don't want STDs.
pooldude 24
Somehow i know exactly what she said to him!
BigJoeZD 16
#77 "I love bad bitches that's my ******* problem"
AninOnin 24
And this is what condoms were made for.
horrorforlife 4
It's ok bra
Welshite 40
Yeah. He could always be panties. No one wants to be a pair of panties, especially in this case.
uoeno_fml 20
"You're excused, and I'm not your bra"
squidgy787 22
Zoolander :-)
pooldude 24
"Bra"? Seriously? Not even bro..! Man oh man, what a world i live in!
1tsmenoah 20
Would you feel okay if you just found out that you had gotten chlamydia from a girl that has bad taste in music?
ChopSuey444 20
Normal people at least put an 'h' at the end of 'brah' so that we can all live the rest of our lives without the underwear puns...
fallencastiel 22
"Hey, I had sex with you. And this is crazy! I saw the doctor. I have chlamydia-a-a."
Nilorak 24
A for effort bra! :)
rocker_chick23 27
#24: It's spelled brah. Bra is something women and sometimes men wear under their clothes.
Danny_Boy12 13
You took a horrendous song number three, and you made it worse. Congrats
Animekid126 13
Brah isn't even a word in the first place, second of all, they were making fun of number 2.
rocker_chick23 27
Actually 150: Brah is a word. Don't believe me? Here is the definition from the Oxford dictionary. A male friend or associate.
boxbrandon11 20
Just clap it off
kelsorg 21
that's for gonorrhea...
hawkgirl55555 2
you're thinking of gonorrhea...
ahippienamedrae 10
Leave a flaming bag of poop on her doorstep.
glabberfasted 16
He called the shit poop!
melbournearsenal 18
Don't put it out with your boots Ted!
KrazyKatz3 26
It's not her fault she has chlamydia... Did the OP even ask if she was tested? Or just use a condom.
zZLightZz 13
that is terrible
iAlissa 34
You don't say.
cadillacgal79 32
No really, thank you Captain Obvious.
beaverteaser 16
You didn't put alot of thought into this comment did you??
tj4234 36
Hey, i just ****** you. And this is crazy. I have chlamydia. So now you do maybe. Also, Sirin is the best, she's so cool. I wish she were my mum and all.
homesuckfucker 28
a better ending would be "get tested, baby"
tj4234 36
A better ending would be if the song had never been created.
homesuckfucker 28
a horrible song always makes for hilarious parodies.
pwnman 33
31 is right. The last line makes it sound not good.
tj4234 36
Fine, if any staff member reads this can they edit my original post? Don't say i'm not good to you people.
Sirin_fml 47
Yeah okay. Don't thank me or anything.
tj4234 36
Sorry, was 7am when i posted that. Thanks Sirin you're the best :3.
homesuckfucker 28
Sirin's edit was better than my edit.
Vahex 19
I love fml staff :)
Earl_KarmasBitch 36
Hey, I just ****** you. And you were lazy. Should have worn a condom. Get tested maybe.
RainbowRaindrop 1
Nice lyrics. Do you have experience with this kind of thing? ;) Jk
sunshineb81 16
I hope for your sake that you used a condom!
dragonkisses28 25
If he had used a condom, this would not be a FML.
anticulas 12
And a condom is always 100% effective...
justtheotherguy 12
Condoms are 90 percent effective .. Says right there on the box here "read this"
sweetbliss3 37
condoms, bro. regardless, that's ****** up. good luck.
euphoricness 28
Condoms don't protect from std's
euphoricness 28
Sorry I meant don't always*
JD26803 11
@22 Surely you're not serious?
tifdunc 14
25 stop calling me surely
euphoricness 28
Nah I'm not being serious. OP shoulda worn a condom because they are 100% effective fighting off those diseases. There would've been absolutely no way he coulda contracted any disease if he used one!
DocBastard 40
Euphoricness - Right you are. Instead, OP should never use a condom and always risk STDs and unwanted pregnancies. Your plan is genius, sir.
DrownedMyFish 18
Yes, condoms are not effective all the time. However, according to statistics, they are effective around 98% of the time when used correctly. OP's chances of chances of contracting an STD would have decreased drastically. Moral of the story: Sex is cleaner with a packaged Weiner!
ColonelCusswords 24
@euphoricness, are you joking or just really really stupid
DaMann360 19
DocBastard is alive!!! I was beginning to think you stopped using FML completely! Only long term FML users would understand.
SneezyBear 27
I think euphoricness could have worded his comment better, but you guys are giving him a bit of an (undeserved?) bad rap. He *does* have a point. Condoms are great, but I'm pretty sure their primary function is preventing pregnancy, not STDs (just how they're designed): while they're highly effective for some STDS (e.g. HIV) they can be pretty useless against herpes (which can be transmitted through skin-skin contact not covered by a condom) and HPV, and the effectiveness rate for everything in between varies considerably from virus to virus. Research data in this field is dark and full of (systematic) errors. Lots of papers contradicting each others' results. Honestly, the only way to be really safe is if both of you get tested first.
militaryguy95 12
wrap it before you tap it next time op put a helmet on your soldier next time. basically just put a condom on and you have reduced chances of contacting stds
Yeshua_fml 19
She's generous and creative. Keep her!
LalaDee561 8
Yes, she's so generous that she generously gave him chlamydia ! She's definitely a keeper!
Strider207 5
She managed to find the shitiest way to tell him that he has an std. She sure as hell is a keeper!!!