Today, after I got wasted about 5 months ago and lost my virginity to a total bitch I used to work with and regretted it straight away, this morning she texts me that she’s pregnant, and that I should probably get an STD screening because she also just found out she has gonorrhoea. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I found out the girl I gave my virginity to gave me gonorrhea. FML
Today, I found out I have an STD, courtesy of my girlfriend. Funnily enough, she was clean when we first started dating. FML
Today, as a gynecologist, I’ve spent years telling people to be safe during sex. I should have known better, but I let my vagina do the thinking for me in a moment of weakness, had a meaningless anonymous one night stand, and I'm now pregnant and positive for chlamydia. FML
Today, a girl I recently slept with messaged me, explaining through a rendition of "Call Me Maybe" that she'd given me chlamydia. FML
Today, I got a text from my girlfriend. After only having sex once, where I wore a condom and didn't even get to come, she says that she's pregnant. FML
Today, after I had drunk sex with my lesbian best friend a few months ago, she’s now pregnant and isn’t my friend anymore, because I apparently ruined her life, as her girlfriend dumped her, she’s already getting fat, and it’s too late to abort it. FML
Today, after years of my wife having almost no sex drive, and always insisting on using protection, she suddenly craves unprotected sex like an alcoholic craves booze. I went through her phone and learned why. Yup, she's pregnant, cheated on me since day one, and her scummy side dick skipped town. FML
Today, I went in for a routine check up. I also found out I have an incurable STD and that I’m pregnant. I’ve been married to my husband for seven years and have never had sex with anyone else in my entire life. FML
Today, after realizing it burned when I peed, I found out the boy I waited two years to have sex with gave me gonorrhea. FML
Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. I also found out I have an STD. I was clean before we dated. FML
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Top comments
lovelyhippos 15
Maybe you should invest in some condoms and refrain from drinking. Might also want to get a paternity test. If you're going to get drunk and sleep around, at least do it safely.
Rsonicgamer_fml 6
Most people with gonorrhea do not exhibit symptoms. He SHOULD get tested.
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Comments (13)
lovelyhippos 15
Maybe you should invest in some condoms and refrain from drinking. Might also want to get a paternity test. If you're going to get drunk and sleep around, at least do it safely.
Brightside86 31
That sux, nobody deserves that.
rebelwithmouseyhair 18
Anyone who has irresponsible sex deserves it. Can't say you didn't know it could happen.
tounces7 28
You're saying people who get drunk and taken advantage of deserve it?
genuinegoodguy 9
Blooming unlucky there but the good thing is that next time will definitely be better.
RichardPencil 32
Don't waste your money on an STD check. If you ****** her five months ago and haven't had the disease yet, you don't have it.
Rsonicgamer_fml 6
Most people with gonorrhea do not exhibit symptoms. He SHOULD get tested.
RichardPencil 32
Slow 👏 clap 👏
jojimugo 20
Bright side. If all the STD’s that’s the one you want to get .... just saying
Justin Bowen 7
A kid or gonorrhea?
Gemfez 17
Funny, not sure we should class kids as an STD. Maybe a parasite? :D (Joke)
millsjoshua949 12
Ask for a paternity test. ydi
rebelwithmouseyhair 18
Regretting it straight away is not a contraceptive. You deserve it. This is a learning opportunity: to learn to use contraception, to only have sex with people you can trust and respect absolutely, and to assume your mistakes. Remember it's harder for her: she definitely has an STD rather than a suspicion, as well as having to be responsible for a baby for the rest of her life.
AmbrosiaFan 19
Get a paternity test too.
crashtestdumplin 16
Well if she had a STD there’s a chance you may not be the parent so like others have said get a paternity test.
tounces7 28
I understand he's a guy and all and of course there's a massive double standard, but why is nobody questioning the fact she had sex with him while he was drunk? He doesn't mention anything at all about her being drunk. That's actually rape, even when a woman does it.