Today, a month after my 21st birthday, I received my health exam results. I don't remember the night of the birthday because I was hammered. However, I called my friend and it's now clear that the stripper they paid to have her way with me, had Chlamydia. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my birthday, was going great until my boyfriend received a text from a girl saying he gave her chlamydia. Now I have no boyfriend, but at least I have the chlamydia keeping me company. FML
Today, a girl I recently slept with messaged me, explaining through a rendition of "Call Me Maybe" that she'd given me chlamydia. FML
Today, it's my birthday, and I had one to many and my best friend and my boyfriend had to take me home. We went back to my apartment and all squeezed together in my bed. During the night I got sick and spent the rest of the night on the bathroom floor. Later I found out that they'd fucked in my bed. FML
Today, at my physical, I found out that my ex-boyfriend who broke up with me 4 months ago was not only cheating on me, but had also manage to catch chlamydia and give it to me. I'm now dating someone else, so I had to explain that I've had chlamydia for 4 months without knowing, and he should probably get tested. FML
Today, I found out that my boyfriend cheated on me by testing myself for STIs/STDs and got a positive result for chlamydia. FML
Today, after trying for months for a baby, I finally got a positive test. For chlamydia. FML
Today, during an unrelated appointment with my GP, he offered me a free check for chlamydia. Despite me reassuring him that I was STI free, he insisted that I should undergo the test. I ended up agreeing, only because I was too embarrassed to admit that I'm still a virgin. FML
Today, after I got wasted about 5 months ago and lost my virginity to a total bitch I used to work with and regretted it straight away, this morning she texts me that she’s pregnant, and that I should probably get an STD screening because she also just found out she has gonorrhoea. FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my phone rang. We continued to have sex while I took the call. It was my gyno calling to tell me that I tested positive for chlamydia and that I needed to tell my partner. Yeah, sex ended real quick. FML
Today, at my bachelorette party, I got so wasted, I ended up giving my stripper a lap dance because he "wasn't doing it properly". There's photos. FML
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Top comments
Sparkiee93 3
Don't be a fool, wrap your tool. You won't get sick if you cover your dick. If you think she's spunky cover your monkey. Don't be silly, cover your willy. Before you attack her wrap your whacker. Don't be a loner cover your boner. Sex is cleaner with a packaged wiener. Don't let your affection give you an infection, put some protection on that erection. IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO WRAP IT JUST GO HOME AND WHACK IT
Babushka_Homyak 10
That is ****** up. Get new friends.
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Comments (120)
Sparkiee93 3
Don't be a fool, wrap your tool. You won't get sick if you cover your dick. If you think she's spunky cover your monkey. Don't be silly, cover your willy. Before you attack her wrap your whacker. Don't be a loner cover your boner. Sex is cleaner with a packaged wiener. Don't let your affection give you an infection, put some protection on that erection. IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO WRAP IT JUST GO HOME AND WHACK IT
traze 7
Ah...I guess use protection is the point of this set of rhymes.
Bernie88 0
LMFAO!!
supertacowaffle 41
******* win!
idontknowanythin_fml 5
epic win
idontknowanythin_fml 5
epic win
macsterfun 3
AMAZING :)
EvilLilCupcake 10
haha I've heard this before. win XD
gagahippo 0
Amen
gagahippo 0
Amen
Mortanious 0
I say you're lucky. Chlamydia is the least of your worries from a stripper, just take your azithromycin for 2 weeks and it's over. Thank your Gods she didn't have herpes or HIV.
DocBastard 40
Actually it's typically treated with a single dose of azithromycin.
wiggs5 0
um don't get hammered and mess around with strippers? :)
skyeyez9 25
I thought guys couldn't have sex when extremely intoxicated, cause alcohol prevents you from "getting it up?"
BIGshooter 2
" whiskey dick" can be conquered if the girl is really talented in her seduction technique, and has a lot of patients.
supertacowaffle 41
if it's stimulated it shouldn't be a problem
Buffalo1981 0
there is a shot for the clap and an ass whoppin for your friends
boopityboppity 11
Edit: You never saw this. *Waves hands eerily*
boopityboppity 11
Edit: Take two of replying to a different comment ended in similar results. I will make a note of this.
Mokiikom_fml 8
Edit: Weird, I posted a comment in response to #23, dunno why it's showing up here too. O_o
mintcar 10
How lovely for you and the stripper.
CaptainJ1000 1
it's not just the way it feels, but the way it smells that gets u...
boopityboppity 11
I'm confused as to the point of this comment.
mintcar 10
How lovely for you and the stripper.