Today, a man dressed as Santa Claus walked by me, grabbing my butt. He smelled of pipe tobacco and pee. He pulled me close to him and whispered, "I bet you're naughty but you feel so nice." I looked dumbfounded at him as he winked and yelled, "You're on my list." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was trying to get my boyfriend in the mood so I held his hands against the bed, and whispered, "Have you been a bad boy?" Thinking he'd say something kinky back, he replied "Yes Santa" then burst out laughing. FML
Today, I sat on Santa's lap. He got an erection. FML
Today, I went to the mall with my daughter. She asked me if she could go see Santa, so I said yes. She made me sit on his lap with her, and that's when I felt something on my bum. Let's just say Santa had a present for me. FML
Today, Father Christmas touched my ass in a shopping mall. I'm a bit worried about what's going to happen on Christmas Day. FML
Today, I walked into the Macy's bathroom to find Santa taking a dump with the door open. Merry Christmas. FML
Today, I saw Santa. He gave me the finger. FML
Today, I was working at the mall as Santa, when a little girl took a shit in my lap. FML
Today, I dressed up as Santa Claus for my employees' children. After seeing all the others, my daughter's turn arrived. She sat on my lap, put her lips to my ear, and whispered softly: "I want a new dad." FML
Today, I was mugged by a guy in a Santa suit. FML
Today, I found out that if you whistle Christmas carols while shitting in a public bathroom, a little boy might just look under the stall to see if Santa is pooping. FML
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Top comments
kindlystfupls 0
gotta love Creeper Clause.. FYL. go take a shower and scrub away as much dirty as you can! lol
Jimboom 12
Lol. Creeper Santa has got some awesome lines. Can't blame him though. It is after all Santa's MO to go around emptying his sack down your chimney. ;-)
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Comments (141)
dandandan322 0
hohoho , merry christmas, *****.
supahnazi 0
im worried because he smelled like pee.... HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN?!
jess6blondie9 3
maybe you shouldn't stick your butt out so much and something like that won't happen now will it?
Karnezar 2
He grabbed your butt and grabbed you and you only stared dumbfounded?
red1fox1demon 0
creeper!!!!!
CAkid22 0
freaking epic, gross for you, but freaking epic
Wyorebel92 0
i'll kick that perv in the nuts so hard he won't have to think about that kinda stuff anymore!
lunkness_monster 0
Admit it, you loved it.. What a boss.
Blueangel1 0
looks like santa gets laid on Christmas eve that's his present
CannibalQueen15 5
lololol, awesome.