Today, a man dressed as Santa Claus walked by me, grabbing my butt. He smelled of pipe tobacco and pee. He pulled me close to him and whispered, "I bet you're naughty but you feel so nice." I looked dumbfounded at him as he winked and yelled, "You're on my list." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was trying to get my boyfriend in the mood so I held his hands against the bed, and whispered, "Have you been a bad boy?" Thinking he'd say something kinky back, he replied "Yes Santa" then burst out laughing. FML
Today, I sat on Santa's lap. He got an erection. FML
Today, I went to the mall with my daughter. She asked me if she could go see Santa, so I said yes. She made me sit on his lap with her, and that's when I felt something on my bum. Let's just say Santa had a present for me. FML
Today, Father Christmas touched my ass in a shopping mall. I'm a bit worried about what's going to happen on Christmas Day. FML
Today, I walked into the Macy's bathroom to find Santa taking a dump with the door open. Merry Christmas. FML
Today, I saw Santa. He gave me the finger. FML
Today, I was working at the mall as Santa, when a little girl took a shit in my lap. FML
Today, I dressed up as Santa Claus for my employees' children. After seeing all the others, my daughter's turn arrived. She sat on my lap, put her lips to my ear, and whispered softly: "I want a new dad." FML
Today, I was mugged by a guy in a Santa suit. FML
Today, I found out that if you whistle Christmas carols while shitting in a public bathroom, a little boy might just look under the stall to see if Santa is pooping. FML
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Top comments
kindlystfupls 0
gotta love Creeper Clause.. FYL. go take a shower and scrub away as much dirty as you can! lol
Jimboom 12
Lol. Creeper Santa has got some awesome lines. Can't blame him though. It is after all Santa's MO to go around emptying his sack down your chimney. ;-)
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Comments (141)
moemoe317 0
that Santa is smooth
maddyjayneexox 4
thats creepy
ashfire6 0
hahaha hoehoehoe merry Christmas
Shaggy_92 5
hots girls get it like that. my gf got the same thing just about...and mall Santa got his ass kicked. I beat the shit out of a skinny 72 yr old man wearing a fat suit.
mrsflinstone 0
well girl. this probably your only chance!!! go get laid.
anahlicious 10
hahahahha this is hilarious!!!
JosieBongs 0
I doubt if that had actually happened you would be on fmylife.com sharing it with millions of strangers rather than dragging him to court sharing it with judge judy.
jimmyaward 0
obviously would have worked on you
ashisthebomb 0
creepy!!!! was he drunk???
RPattzs_gurl 0
LOL this reminds me of that movie Bad Santa although, I've never had a chance to finish watching it.