Today, I was trying to get my boyfriend in the mood so I held his hands against the bed, and whispered, "Have you been a bad boy?" Thinking he'd say something kinky back, he replied "Yes Santa" then burst out laughing. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, a man dressed as Santa Claus walked by me, grabbing my butt. He smelled of pipe tobacco and pee. He pulled me close to him and whispered, "I bet you're naughty but you feel so nice." I looked dumbfounded at him as he winked and yelled, "You're on my list." FML
Today, I was having some kinky sex with my girlfriend. When I said "You've been a bad girl", she looked at me wide-eyed and asked very seriously, "What did I do?" FML
Today, I gave my husband an early Christmas present: Santa-themed lingerie. He got angry and called me selfish, for "using" him as an excuse to get myself nice stuff. FML
Today, I sat on Santa's lap. He got an erection. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky in bed. He mumbled something that sounded like "I love you." I replied "I love you too baby", to which he laughed then said, "I said I wanted you to blow me." FML
Today, I thought it would be cute to put on a Santa hat and ask my crush what he wanted for Christmas. He said "A girlfriend." I took off my Santa hat and yelled "Ta-da!" He added, "An ATTRACTIVE girlfriend." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having a romantic night. As we were having sex, he decided to say, "Look mom, no hands!" and it totally ruined the mood. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were finally alone and things were starting to get intimate. I was on top of him trying to be sexy, when in my excitement I giggled and called him a "silly girl" by accident. FML
Today, I tried turning on my boyfriend by sending him naughty pictures and texts, describing in detail all the things I was going to do to him when we have the house to ourselves this weekend. He responded by quoting that crappy movie 'The Room', saying, "Oh hi doggie!" FML
Today, I was getting freaky with my boyfriend and told him to spank me. In a seductive voice, he told me not to tell him what to do. Continuing, I asked him how he was going to punish me, to which he then replied, "I'm going to punch you straight in the face." FML
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Top comments
hahachun 4
Yes Santa?!! Hahahahaha
ollie179 21
No presents for him.
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Comments (166)
hahachun 4
Yes Santa?!! Hahahahaha
Eskeddit 5
Role-playing as the Kringles is the best!
helloello 2
Seemed like a pretty bland joke to be goin this crazy over...
ChaeRi 3
You know what you should do now. Wear your fake beard and colour his nose red and ride him. Rudolf the red nosed reindeer~
sirbrainiac 2
love OP's username.
superjewwwwww 0
Look at the persons name who wrote this fml, lmao
EvilPotato 15
It would've been funny if you said in a Santa Claus accent "well then you need to be spanked, no presents for you."
gojira666 7
No, that would not have been funny.
LoveLateNights 0
Something tells me he sat on Santas lap one to many times when he was younger!
ducttapewallet 7
Missed opportunities. Tsk, tsk.
hollisterfreak52 1
Someones getting coal!! :p
The_Troller 14
Here's where you're supposed to sit on his lap and ask him what he wants you to give him.
fat1239 4
Read ur profile ******* hilarious
Blissfull_Sin 7
Lmao that's classic lol sorry but that was too funny
caino 3
Awesome!!!!
TheClumsiest 0
LOL. your boyfriend is awesome.
ILUVMSC 5
Ha that's cute :)
ollie179 21
No presents for him.
bhangu023 0
I think you supposed to say "I've been a bad girl"
bhangu023 0
Your*
WillTay 8
*You're
xlord 27
A grammar nazi who is correcting a grammar nazi who is correcting someone who made one mistake. Well... You guys also forgot too add full stops.
Hockey_fan 0
That awkward moment when you try to correct someones grammar but you end up using wrong grammar as well
xosportsgirl14x 8
Did any of you bother looking at the name? The person who said "your" was correcting themselves.
Uraharas_Bankai 1
By messing up your grammar and failing to correct... This is a situation where two fails don't make a win.
GrammarNazzzzzi 6
Stay in school kids!
cinderella10383 6
To!!!
bhangu023 0
I tried to correct my original post after being auto corrected to "you", when I got auto corrected again to "your" instead of "you're" I just really didn't bother. I'm not a grammar nazi but I knw there are a lot on here.
funymoose 0
Cant tell if trolling...
stacianichole 2
Proofread before you post. How does autocorrect get blamed? That doesn't actually make sense. Autocorrect doesn't correct your incorrect use of forms of words.
randome101 12
36, he wasn't correcting a grammar nazi he was correcting the guy trying to correct himself.
lauralavenderbab 0
No sex
memob123 0
No crap.
jabfinch 9
Facepalm
hemz_fml 13
:D
brown4lifejot 1
No shit
kaprookie 3
Awww come on OP it was pretty funny.
chuchurocket 4
OPs from Hawaii ;D
deathpotato 11
Thank you for telling us, 108. That is very useful information.
evilteddybear 0
Wow didnt know tht..
karinagaviria 0
Haha love the pic xD
blink182AAR 6
This isn't really an FML... Atleast he has a sense of humor?
MagicallyFat 12
He's makin a list, checkin it twice. Tryin to find out who's naughty or nice. Santa clause is coming to a bed near you.
quitecontrary 0
Santa Claus is cumming....and going to town!!
ricinator 11
why does Santa have a big sack?..... because he only comes once a year!
emodude44 0
Santa Clause is cumming IN YOU
rkmepm 16
62, what a horrifyingly bad joke. Sorry.
MagicallyFat 12
I found it quite assuming lol.
StopDropNRoll 11
Amusing?^
rkmepm 16
Oh whatever :/ btw 62 it's too late 4 u go to bed
Link5794 18
Shit! I accidentally thumbed up 67's comment!
skitzofreniks 5
Congrats! Your man has a sense of humor.
EwanSmith 2
you can both unload your sack now
xShannonxSammyx 7
Maybe he's hot for Santa?
shazza26 1
Who doesn't get turned on by a fat, old, seedy man?!
lmfao_shame 9
me
brown4lifejot 1
33- theres a way of speaking in a jokingly manner called sarcasm
randome101 12
I think 33 was joking... Wait that means... :-0
RawrNom 0
lmfao! well, next time he wants you to do it, dress up as Santa with fat suit and all and shake your body! show him what It means to be bad ;) lmao.