Today, to get my mind off being single, I texted some friends. The first one was going out tonight to work things out with her ex, the second told me about his amazing new girlfriend, and the third replied an hour later with, "Sorry, I was having sex when you texted me." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I texted this girl I really like and she didn't answer. She did about two hours later and it said, "Sorry, I was having sex at the time you texted me. So how are you?" FML
Today, I wanted to text my girlfriend but lately we'd been at a loss for things to talk about. I thought, "Come on, she's your girlfriend, what's the worst that could happen." One hour and twenty two minutes later, I was single. FML
Today, I was texting this guy that I really liked. Things were going pretty well. I got a call from his number and excitedly answered it. It was his girlfriend asking if he was bothering me because he likes to text random people when he's drunk. FML
Today, I found out why my boyfriend wouldn't answer his phone last night. He was hanging out with our mutual friend all night. She had been texting me all night about what great sex she was having. My boyfriend was the only person there besides her brother. FML
Today, I had been trying to text my girlfriend all day, but no reply. After a while, I became worried so I called. She picked up and said, "Can't talk, busy." Not even a minute later, my best friend says to me, "Dude, tell your girlfriend to leave me alone. She's been texting me all day." FML
Today, my phone kept beeping, so I put it on silent and went back to sleep. When I woke up later, I found the guy I went on a date with last night had sent dozens of messages. The first was "Good morning! :)" and the last was "Answer me u fuckin cunt!!!!" I think I'm staying single. FML
Today, I was supposed to finally go out with my guy friend that I have liked for a long time. He told me he would text me, and after waiting for hours for the text, I finally got it. It said, "Guess what!? I just got laid!" He forgot our date, had it off, and I congratulated him. FML
Today, my ex texted me being all flirty and sexual and yet was never like that when we were together. Not long later, his new girlfriend messaged me saying, "Stop messaging my man, he doesn't want you back." FML
Today, I was Whatsapping my boyfriend, as I am away for work. Before talking to him, I texted my work group I wasn’t feeling well after they invited me out. As I was chatting with what I thought was my boyfriend, I said, “I want your penis inside me.” And then realized I'd texted my work group. FML
Today, my girlfriend accused me of not having any friends. So I sent out a mass text saying "Hey, what's up?" to prove her wrong. I didn't get any replies. FML
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Top comments
acmariner99 25
Its ok, there are lots of other people who are alone too. Not me though.
bloopaloop 27
When life seems jolly rotten, there’s something you’ve forgotten! And that’s to laugh and smile and dance and sing.
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Comments (7)
RichardPencil 32
On the plus side, you have three new ideas to ********** to. “Always look on the bright side of life..”
bloopaloop 27
When life seems jolly rotten, there’s something you’ve forgotten! And that’s to laugh and smile and dance and sing.
acmariner99 25
Its ok, there are lots of other people who are alone too. Not me though.
EmDizzle2007 28
cause you wanted to make sure that you didn't help and solidified the idea that you're a twat.
zuckerburg 21
So what you're saying is, that you have friends? More importantly, ones that are dating, that might have friends, who might also be single? mmmmmm YDI
bluhbluhbluh 14
This societal obsession with being in a relationship and sexually active is honestly getting annoying. There are so many other things one can occupy themselves with you know.
cazziuz1983 9
Whole it is true that there are many other things, to my knowledge none of them feel as good as getting laid