Today, my husband laughed at me for farting in the bathtub; I lied by admitting to it. The fact is that I have enough back-fat to create suction against the bathtub. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Today, I was so ashamed of my weight when I sat down and the suction of my thighs made a loud fart noise, I admitted to it being a fart rather than my fat rolls. FML
Today, I farted in front of my husband. It somehow turned into a farting war. Then I realized this is the closest we've come to intimacy in a week. FML
Bath bomb
Today, I trusted a fart in the bathtub. I really shouldn't have. It came out loose like a brown cloud, so I had to shower to wash the shit out of my pubes. FML
Clenched
Today, I was snuggled in bed with my husband. He thought because my butt was twitching that I was trying to be frisky. So he slapped my ass hard in attempt to get something going. I was actually trying to hold in a huge fart because last night I had diarrhea. Apparently I still have it. FML
The language of love
Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML
Breathtaking view
Today, my husband farted while he was naked and bending over to pick up his clothes, so me lying on the bed got a perfect view of his butthole twitching and flapping around as the gas escaped. Who says romance is dead? FML
Today, after having my bath, I realised that I've gotten so fat that I have to lift up my butt cheeks in order to dry underneath them. FML
Today, my boyfriend decided to fart in our bathtub to see if it would echo. It wasn’t a fart. FML
Today, my husband jokingly told my daughter when she passes gas in public, she needed to blame it on the fattest and ugliest person there. We went shopping after and she let a HUGE fart out. She gasped, "Mommy!" FML
Today, while flirting with a cute nurse at my dad's bedside, I accidentally let a noxious fart slip out and she thought the foul smell came from my sleeping father soiling himself. I let her roll him over and check his ass while he cried out in pain because I wasn't man enough to own up to it. FML
Top comments
that1guyyy 12
That really "sucks"
sg777 6
That's a clue to start running
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Comments (119)
adammeyer 4
Lmfao, free willy!
Blackcatluck 19
Not funny....not at all.
sg777 6
That's a clue to start running
adammeyer 4
Or swimming
SuperDanielNL 23
I don't get why they get thumbed down, O mean it sure is an eye opener. Speaking from experience, getting in shape is one of the best ideas of my young life, it really made me more positive and more outgoing.
MuseFan1991 14
this happens to me sometimes and im only a UK size 12 so it might not mean OP needs to lose weight. sometimes air gets trapped when you lean back and as you shift position the water bubbles into the gap making a fart noise. its the same with a jug or bowl, if you push it face down into the water and then tilt it an air bubble comes up. i used to have such entertaining baths :)
SuperKnuckels 6
You guys sound great together. making him laugh is always good.
sux4u121 10
53, they sound so great together? How can you make that statement when all you know about them is that OP's husband laughed at her fart.
etishuman22 32
Settle down. If they were in a tub together, I'm sure it wasn't by accident. #53 was probably just trying to cheer OP up and compliment her relationship with her husband.
sux4u121 10
My comment was not angry or excited in any way, I was just pointing it out to 53, not trying to sound angry, mean, or codescending.
Reaper1984 13
#14 OP is in shape, round is a shape.
that1guyyy 12
That really "sucks"
rg350dx 29
FYL? It's awesome to make fart noises on the side of the bathtub-I mean uh yeah you're completely immature and that sucks.
capslockisgood 19
OP is immature because you think that its awesome to make farting noises?
rg350dx 29
Yes. This is an FML about fart noises and I was being 100% serious..
thefish2904 6
I dunno, I think farting is more embarrassing than that. Since he's your husband i think he may already know about your body.
euphoricness 28
I'm sure farting in the bath tub cannot be as significant as OP's back fat having the capability of doing one itself. That being said, everyone farts, but not everyone has to be overweight or even obese
ChibiChibi_fml 28
She doesn't have to be obese for this to happen. All you have to be is not a skeleton and position yourself wrong. I've had this happen to me a couple times and I'm 5'3" and 135lbs with some of that explained by my D cups.
FalconCrunch 4
Hate to break it to you, but... you're fat.
RedPillSucks 33
135 is not fat. The opposite of rail-thin is not fat. there are large variations in body type between those two extremes.
perdix 31
#31, how come the girl with the D-cups has a hamster for a profile pic? C'mon, let's see 'em!
ChibiChibi_fml 28
Thank You RedPillSucks. FalconCrunch, you have to take into account the way a person's body frame is structured and how the weight is distributed. I have a largish chest and a pretty big ass, everything in between is getting a little skeleton like. I'll admit though it would be possible for someone to be my height and weight and be interpreted as overweight if it was all pretty much resting in their stomach but if that was the case there might be a health concern there anyway. Plus it's just one interpretation.
perdix 31
#49, yet somehow, I'm still looking at a gerbil or hamster. How can we judge the validity of your arguments without photographic proof? Let's have a pic . . . for science!
ManInTheMachine 20
Dammit perdix stop, you're scaring her away! At this rate, we're not getting any closure. :(
perdix 31
#63, don't worry. Anyone who brags about her D-cups in this cesspool probably doesn't scare easily.
Markus12 8
5'3 and 135lbs.. That's 160cm and 61 kg.. Most people would Call that chubby, to say the least..
whatthefreshhell 15
Well, did you take the time to factor in the fact that muscle weighs more than mass, and she might have muscles?
lysx84 24
I have the same height and weight and I'm a uk size 8. I'm far from chubby, just blessed with boobs and bum ;)
perdix 31
#75, muscle weighs exactly the same as fat. A pound is a pound (or a newton is a newton). Muscle is denser than fat, so a given mass of muscle occupies less volume than the same mass of fat. Nevertheless, if it's causing fart sounds on a bathtub, it ain't muscle!
ChibiChibi_fml 28
Wasn't really bragging so much as simply stating fact. The reason a Gerbil is my profile pic is because this is the kind of sight where anonymity is best and also because he was such a cute critter.
perdix 31
#88, we don't have to see your face. You're telling us about your unusual body type and I think we need to see it to believe it. As I said before, for science, of course!
sotheresthisgirl 8
Hate to break it to you #34, but you're a dick. Please take your ignorant comment and shove it up your ass. Because 135 pounds is nowhere near fat. Get over yourself.
JenkJenks 6
I'm a monkey and weigh 38 pounds. I am not scared to show my picture to prove this. And neither should you.
Markus12 8
In that case she'd be a very buff little Girl. Regardless, she weigh quite a bit..
HeyHeyFishFillet 34
As long as you're happy the way you are, just forget about it, However if it does bother you, then perhaps investing some time in exercising will go a long way!
Crofty92 17
Maybe your time would be better spent trying to change your situation rather than moaning on FML. Just sayin'.
limitedition 25
I think they call that an "ah-ha" moment. Eat healthier & increase your activity level & you'll be fine
perdix 31
#10 Take on me. Take me on. I'll be gone . . . and back to your regularly scheduled programming.
ElatedEarthling 15
18- I don't think there are enough FMLers who are old enough to understand that reference. We're dealing with some young ones here. :p
limitedition 25
I'm ashamed to say I had to google that....
perdix 31
#24, well, that's too bad. The new song "Feel this Moment" by Christina Aguilera and Pitbull uses that song clearly, so I guess the youngsters don't understand what is going into their music.
whatthefreshhell 15
I think that might be the first comment by Perdix that I've enjoyed
limitedition 25
I can't plead the "young card". The lyrics just didn't click in my brain. *hangs head in shame*
RedPillSucks 33
I believe the husband thought it was a "ha-ha" moment.
AngelSpit 18
Hey reel big fish did a cover of that song so "some" younger people may get it
sniken 14
Thank you for bringing that up perdix, now I got that song stuck in my head... :'(
mansen 15
thanks perdix...I have that damn pencil drawing video running on loop in my head.
perdix 31
#84, #98, I had to distribute the pain. When I heard about the a-ha moment, I attempted the song. When I tried that line I left off in #18, I may have ruptured something -- and the neighborhood patrol cited me.
olpally 33
Need a moment, don't grab a twix...
perdix 31
You should have played it off as a queef. Your husband will never talk about your vaporous emissions ever again.
etishuman22 32
Maybe she could have followed up by characterizing the queef as a "road warrior queef".
upallnight11 19
A queef is even worse!
perdix 31
#94, exactly. If she pretended it was a queef, the husband would be so grossed out, he wouldn't mention any of the sounds that emanated from her ever again.