Today, I discovered the downside to having a "sneak-attacks-allowed" tickle war with my 4-year-old son. I had to explain to several outraged strangers at the supermarket why my son kept flinching and pulling away whenever I made any sudden movements near him. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
It's not what you think
Today, I was at the grocery with my 4 year-old daughter. She needed me to tie one of her shoes so I bent down. When I was done, I tickled her under the armpit, and she screamed, "Don't touch me there!" Everyone in the store turned to stare. FML
Not her fault nor mine
Today, my 4 year-old daughter got royally annoyed at my uncle who won't stop surprise tickling her by poking her waist. When he went for another, she punched him square on the nose, making him a laughing stock. Not accepting that he got owned, he started preaching about child discipline to me. FML
Today, I was playing with my 3-year-old nephew when he suddenly got up and ran to his mom to tell her I was "touching in bad spots". I was tickling his armpits. FML
Today, I had to profusely apologize to a woman after my six year old son decided to crawl between her legs at the supermarket, then look up her skirt and loudly ask why she didn't have any panties on. FML
Today, my 2-year-old son put his hand on my face, gave me a sweet kiss, and put his cheek against mine. Then he slapped me hard enough to leave a mark, laughed, and scrambled away. FML
Today, I was playing with my little nephew and began to tickle him playfully, even though I know he doesn't like to be tickled. When I was done, he looked me straight in the eye, punched me in the groin, and told me, "No one tickles me". He's six. FML
Today, my 5 year old daughter thought it would be funny to wake me up by tickling my toes. I guess one of my reflexes acted out because I kicked her right in the face. FML
Today, while shopping, my six-year-old son threw a tantrum because I wouldn't buy him a video game. I ended up having to grab his arm and leave the store. He screamed that I was kidnapping him, at which point I was socked in the face and pinned to the floor by three bystanders. FML
Wham!
Today, when I called my 2-year-old son over for a hug, he giggled and squealed as he ran over to me. He then stopped in front of me, punched me in the bollocks, and walked away quite happily whilst I was doubled over in pain. FML
Today, I took my four year old son to the playground. When it was time to go, he squirmed out of my arms back to the jungle gym. Not being the type of mother to put up with bad behavior, I swatted his rear and told him we had to go. That's when I realized I'd just spanked the wrong child who was wearing the same coat as my son. FML
Top comments
hacksaw246 24
As long as you have a good relationship with your son **** what they think
davincidasecond 24
That's really cute though. At least you and your son will look back on it with fondness.
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Comments (66)
dudecall 18
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
#1 What are you smoking?
hacksaw246 24
As long as you have a good relationship with your son **** what they think
MisterEx 28
Until they call the cops/security on OP or decide to "protect" the child themselves.
BSnapZ 21
#3 If only it were that simple.
reneetlovesyou 30
I'm glad OP has that kind of relationship, but admit it—you'd be concerned if you saw a child flinching away from his parent. These people are just concerned and I'd rather have that than them not care at all for the safety of a child.
hacksaw246 24
#14 If they take the "issue" in thier own hands they'll look like jackasses and be charged with assault as there's no actual abuse. If they call the law nothing will happen since there's nothing going on it'll do no more than waste the officer and OPs time. A "tickle war" with your kid won't really constitute your child being taken.
EmmaWasHere 11
Yes alls well until they call CPS then it's not so well ...
kysier 8
I'd agree, except what they think can lead to CPS thinking the same thing. Unfortunately CPS has basically limitless authority, and can cause problems just over rumors or suspicion. (Especially in Florida)
kysier 8
They can report abuse without risk. On top of that, if 3+ people report it within a span of couple months, CPS is almost guaranteed to come storming in.
davincidasecond 24
That's really cute though. At least you and your son will look back on it with fondness.
abc_1_2_3 12
Aww you sound like a good parent...
IJG2000 16
Haha I used to have something like that when I was a kid. I hated and loved it at the same time xD
jackel_love 14
This is the cutest FML I've ever read. At least your son isn't flinching because he's scared of pain, but of being tickled instead.
killerhorny 5
Tickling is a form of pain
davincidasecond 24
To the point where they can't breathe, yes, but not by default.
Welshite 40
#2: It was a reference to an older FML.
yeahthatsmeee 10
This is actually really adorable! As long as your son knows you would never hurt him everything is fine.
magiczebra 9
Until some dipshit decides to call CPS becuase they think they know everything and couldn't mind their own damn business.
ericcrash 13
18- Thats not really true, because there truly are parents who hit their children and not calling would just be bad for the kid.
Senseless_487 29
Without hard evidence of child abuse, then CPS shouldn't be called. Too many people abuse the system, thinking they know what's best for other people's kids. If you don't know the story, mind your own business.
mageepaigeee44 15
True #28 but if someone is really concerned that a child is being abused they should never hesitate to call at least the cops (instead of CPS) because children are abused everyday and it doesn't hurt anyone to just make sure there's nothing bad going on.
Senseless_487 29
I'm not saying there's never a reason to call, but too many people think they know best, and will call for little to no reason at all. Case in point: when my daughter was around six months old, I had CPS called on me TWICE, by two different people, because they thought there was no way, being a single father, I could take care of my child properly. There are limits. So unless you personally see the child being abused, then it's nobody's business.
mageepaigeee44 15
That's disgusting that that happened to you. Seriously I'm so sorry. I still think calling the police when you think something is up is pretty harmless. Seeing the abuse with your own eyes isn't the only sign of abuse.
Lil_Red777 21
My aunt had CPS called on her a couple times because she used cloth diapers. People abuse the system over petty shit.
kingdomgirl94 29
My brothers kindergarten teacher called CPS because my brother came in with messy hair everyday for a few weeks. Not dirty, messy. The reason his hair was messy? It was the middle of winter and he wore a hat when my dad walked him to school, which, once inside of course came off and messed up his hair.
junkman6 22
CPS nowadays is a god damn joke. My nephew and I wrestle and he gets a couple bruises, teacher sees em? CPS at his moms house. It's happened multiple times too, damn gingers and their easy bruising. They did the same to me when I was younger and playing football/baseball. Crappy field meant Bad hops meant bruises on my arms during baseball season and a few black eyes. Also footballs football so I wore bruises year round. Always had to deal with those CPS idiots.
chinaski7628 32
In the US teachers are mandatory reporters. That means if I see a child with multiple bruises or routinely not dressed properly for the weather, among other things, I am obligated by law to file a report with CPS/DCFS. I could lose my job and credential if I don't. It really isn't about trying to interfere in anyone's life or thinking I know everything. It's my job and it's the law. Teachers are discouraged from asking or questioning children about incidents we report, so we often have to make judgement calls. It sounds like some of the above posters have had absurd claims brought up, and that's terrible-- it's an imperfect system. Every time I make a report, I hope I'm wrong. Unfortunately, I've been right a lot more than I've been wrong.
mageepaigeee44 15
And even if it wasn't required by law, people should still report things. Like, I'm sorry you all felt embarrassed because CPS was called but don't you rest easy knowing people care about children enough to call?? It's better they be called too often than not enough IMO
junkman6 22
No it really isn't. If you know a kid plays sports year round and you call CPS every time he has a bruise, you're a ******* moron. You're taking away from CPS ability to deal with real issues and using them to harass people. It doesn't help that most CPS people that come to talk to a family have no clue about children and just want to bust someone for something. They don't even bother listening to the kid when they ask where bruises came from and instead try to trap the kid into saying something bad about the parent. They're manipulative douches as a whole. I know there are decent ones out there but I've never seen em.
qdawg06 23
As long as your son can answer that it's a tickle attack if he's ever asked. Besides you guys are having fun! And that's what matters!
SunTzu2 9
High five, low five... Cut the pickle ... Tickle tickle... Grab his arm when he tries to cut the pickle...and tickle him My 4 year old son loves it too