Today, a 65-ish year-old man told me that he's married and not supposed to look at other women, but that I tempt him. All while sitting next to his wife, who then told me I was going to hell. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I discovered that my male coworker, who coincidentally shares my last name, has been telling everyone we're married. I'm 26; he's 58. FML
Today, a huge and angry man stormed into my work and threatened to kill me if I didn't stop sleeping with his wife. He then threatened to come back and kick my ass if I so much as texted his wife again. The problem is, I'm married, have never cheated and I work for my wife's father. FML
Today, I met a new guy at work who wouldn't stop hitting on me. We ended up on a six-hour shift together watching a pool, so we were wearing nothing but bathing suits when he began grabbing me inappropriately. When I confided in my female coworker about it, she told me that he was her husband. FML
Today, my wife is mad because some kid in a store offered her the seniors' discount and she got offended. I had to tell her she’s 66 years-old and is actually entitled to that discount, so she should calm the hell down. She’s not spoken to me in over 24 hours. FML
Today, as I was bent over at my waitressing job, an elderly woman walked by and smacked my ass. I looked at her, shocked, and she said, "It was too tempting with you bent over like that, I have a dirty old mind." I didn't know whether to be flattered or horrified. Maybe both. FML
Today, I was told off by a random woman who said that I should be ashamed of myself for dating such an older man. I was having dinner with my dad. FML
Today, my boss told me he suspected his wife was cheating on him. I told him to pull up her Facebook page to look for suspicious activity. I looked at her profile picture and said, "Damn, that girl next to her fine! You know her?" It was his sixteen year-old daughter. FML
Today, I got a phone call out of the blue from a young man, who screamed that he was going to kill me for sleeping with his fiancée. I told him I am a 49-year-old man who hasn't been laid since my wife passed away, four years ago. He stammered, shouted "Well she was a slut too" and hung up. FML
Today, my wife called me a pervert and a degenerate for lusting after a teenage girl. I’d found some old pictures from high school and remarked about how sexy she’s always been. It was her I was talking about. I said she’d always been attractive, but liking her as a teen is now weird I guess. FML
Today, I saw my husband at a restaurant, laughing with a hot woman. He'd told me he was at a meeting with the VP of his company. Furious, I barged in and started screaming at them, calling him a cheater and a liar. Turns out the woman was actually the VP of his company, and they were in the middle of the meeting. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Soninuva 41
This mentality is what's wrong with the world.
lexred 30
What the hell?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (102)
nickie_94 18
I thought Canadians had good manners?
FweakofCydonia 40
Except for the ones that live deep in the countryside.
littlekellilee 45
Even those likely do, we just can't find them to ask.
Demon_Adrian 1
Obviously you are 'going to hell' for doing nothing at all and not that rude old horndog. Could be page 666 in the bible or something like that. Something is wrong in their relation. Dear OP ignore them and carry on.
RA91 26
I would disregard what she said and focus on the fact that he gave you a nice compliment :)
leogachi 15
@36 It wasn't a compliment. He was blaming her because he refuses to control himself.
scrollingthru 10
And in all actually she will be going to hell for judging you based off her husband's attraction to your beauty. Talk about twist right?
aperron96 18
why is this downvoted? i would've done that too. the geizers deserve it.
mineller 24
Damn you, temptress!
pete9913 23
I guess it's your fault he is tempted by you. perhaps he expects you to wear a poncho and a mask so he can be free from temptation? how many women will they condemn for this?
Angelkisses130 26
Yes because everybody wants old men to lust after them...
tin_cup 27
Don't knock it until you try it
tin_cup 27
Don't knock til you try it
TheOnlyGod 5
Bleeding hearts ruins FML. This is not therapy this is to laugh at the misfortunes of others. OP is flattered hence putting it on here.
quackImapenguin 16
People don't post things on "**** my life" when they're flattered. The fact that she put it on this website indicates that she is clearly not flattered. You can't speak for everyone's motives for posting on FML. I imagine some want sympathy, and for a lot of posts the comment section does ultimately come out sympathetic, so that's not necessarily an unreasonable use of this website. Maybe it's the assholes who don't belong here.
leogachi 15
@58 Did you seriously try to put an FML through moderation because other people have empathy?
DoomedGemini 38
Yes, that's why there are FMLs where people have truly horrible things happen to them. Some are funny, some just want to share an experience, some want advice or sympathy. There's different types of FMLs, is it so hard to understand that? Does there need to be only one type so you don't have to use your brain and just point and laugh at things?
polariz 16
Maybe he thought she was deaf? :>