Today, my new boyfriend and I got intimate for the first time. He started whispering in my ear, but I couldn't understand him. He pushed me away and ignored me the rest of the night. Apparently it's a huge turn-off that I can't talk dirty in Klingon. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I learned that no matter how much of a nerd a girl claims to be, she is not ready for you to speak Klingon during sex. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I attempted sexting for the first time. After about twenty minutes of Star Wars references, I gave up. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that we could try living out one of his fantasies. When I showed up ready to go, he began playing the theme song to Star Trek and asked me to call him Mr. Spock. FML
Today, as my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I asked him if he was going to fuck my brains out and make me his dumb little cock sleeve. He said, "That's kind of degrading, isn't it?" Instant mood kill. Never date a man who can't talk dirty. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to try humming during a blow job. He seemed to like it at first, but apparently, "I'll Make a Man Out of You" from Mulan wasn't a good choice. He still isn't speaking to me. FML
Today, I finally told my boyfriend that he's not very good at dirty talk. He does it every time we have sex and it always turns me off. He started crying. FML
Today, my girlfriend said that we should try something new. I got excited because I thought it would be about sex. Nope, she wanted me to start speaking with animal noises so we could build up a secret language. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Attempting to make things a little more exciting, I said in my sexiest voice, "Oh yeah, harder." My boyfriend who apparently doesn't like talking dirty, pulled out and angrily said, "I was trying, what more do you want?" FML
Today, my boyfriend of 3 months and I finally had sex. He sounds like Chewbacca when he comes. FML
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Top comments
isabelf 17
your boyfriend sounds like he has some very odd fetishes...
nhormuss 17
He's a keeper
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Comments (135)
CO_RRA 11
Fly you fool!
snow_white99 7
Girl, you found a good man! LET HIM WIFE YOU BEFORE I COME FIND HIM AND MY BOYFRIEND AND I WILL BE POLY WITH HIIIIIM #nerdfest2014
yoimaballer11 3
I feel you had to know this was gonna happen at some point
Queen_of_Night 20
I guess your boyfriend is the guy from FML #20963971. I don't fave FML's very often, but when I do they're awesome!
Bubbilility 27
Next time punch him, let him know what it's like to sleep with a REAL Klingon woman. Seriously, don't talk Klingon in the bedroom unless you're prepared for it.
Goblin182 27
Are you dating Sheldon? Amy will kill you.
jon5150da 6
Hey how you doing lil mama lemme whisper in your ear,some words that you don't like to hear
someguyhere 12
I'd admit geeky girls are hot but if one start speaking Klingon, elf or something. Find another
lilroughneck501 4
not only does your life suck but the wierdo's does as well
allisurd 17
Coolest boyfriend ever.