Today, my new boyfriend and I got intimate for the first time. He started whispering in my ear, but I couldn't understand him. He pushed me away and ignored me the rest of the night. Apparently it's a huge turn-off that I can't talk dirty in Klingon. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I learned that no matter how much of a nerd a girl claims to be, she is not ready for you to speak Klingon during sex. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I attempted sexting for the first time. After about twenty minutes of Star Wars references, I gave up. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that we could try living out one of his fantasies. When I showed up ready to go, he began playing the theme song to Star Trek and asked me to call him Mr. Spock. FML
Today, as my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I asked him if he was going to fuck my brains out and make me his dumb little cock sleeve. He said, "That's kind of degrading, isn't it?" Instant mood kill. Never date a man who can't talk dirty. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to try humming during a blow job. He seemed to like it at first, but apparently, "I'll Make a Man Out of You" from Mulan wasn't a good choice. He still isn't speaking to me. FML
Today, I finally told my boyfriend that he's not very good at dirty talk. He does it every time we have sex and it always turns me off. He started crying. FML
Today, my girlfriend said that we should try something new. I got excited because I thought it would be about sex. Nope, she wanted me to start speaking with animal noises so we could build up a secret language. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Attempting to make things a little more exciting, I said in my sexiest voice, "Oh yeah, harder." My boyfriend who apparently doesn't like talking dirty, pulled out and angrily said, "I was trying, what more do you want?" FML
Today, my boyfriend of 3 months and I finally had sex. He sounds like Chewbacca when he comes. FML
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Top comments
isabelf 17
your boyfriend sounds like he has some very odd fetishes...
nhormuss 17
He's a keeper
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Comments (135)
anonymasesv2011 9
do not fear the Klingon ... as Yoda once said “Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”
Solano2580 24
Dump him
differentadi 13
Start studyin!
Starham1 14
This guy is dedicated to his fandom.
AndyKeselogano 8
If this stuff goes on more than once, I wouldn't take it.