Today, I woke up to the most awkward breakfast of my life. Apparently, last night after taking my sleeping pill, I went into my mom's room and started spilling secrets left and right. Secrets about my current crush, the people I've hooked up with, and how when I say I'm going over to my friend Beth's house, I'm really seeing a guy. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up in my friend's living room after our sleepover. I heard her hot older brother and his friends in the kitchen. Feeling confident, I exposed my midriff a little bit just to give them a peek. They groaned and threw a blanket over me. FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend making breakfast. I thought he was making it for me, so I sat at the table. When he walked over with his plate, he said, "Oh, I didn't know you were here!" I'd slept in the same bed with him last night. FML
Today, I pretended to be asleep when my mom and her best friend came home because I was tired as hell and I didn't want to be around them. I was then treated to a loud conversation about my mom's first time with a woman through our paper-thin walls. FML
Today, my mom decided to tell me about her new boyfriend. I know him. I've slept with him. FML
Today, I was sleeping with my boyfriend and woke up in his arms to hear him say "Mom, Mom." FML
Today, my mother showed up to pick something up from my house. I was sleeping and before I knew it she was in my bedroom, jumping on my bed, saying hi to my ex-girlfriend who she thought was with me. It wasn't my ex, and I doubt that girl will ever want to hang out again after that awkward morning. FML
Today, my best friend told me he had a crush on someone in my house. I got excited, but he told me it was my mom. FML
Today, I woke up at my boyfriend's place with grumbling stomach pains. I left him in bed to go have explosive diarrhea in the bathroom next to his room. When I was done, I came back to bed and snuggled in next to his sleeping body. He rolled over to whisper, "I heard everything." FML
Today, I woke up to a stranger in my bed. Just as my parents responded to my screaming, I remembered that I'd helped my boyfriend sneak in through my window last night. FML
Today, I had a wet dream. When I woke up, I was touching myself. Unfortunately, I also woke up to find that I had fallen asleep on the couch after eating too much at a family reunion. When I looked around the room, over 10 relatives were giving me nasty looks. FML
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Top comments
cocacola999 27
I wish I had taken a look at the username and learnt that OP is either 12 or at least at the mental level of a 12-year-old, before clicking FYL.
n1rvanat1zed 0
That's just uncool.
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Comments (198)
grunto15 0
this is totally a lie
Monikabug 9
No, not every girl IS close to their mother, but that does not make it okay to blatantly lie to her day in and day out. Why build a tangled web of lies that will only destroy our trust with one another, when you could just be honest? Just tell her the truth, for God's sake. Save your relationship before you destroy it.
crazy4jeter 0
Wow that sucks! I've taken sleeping pills for awhile and that has never happened to me.. I guess I'm lucky!
boredtotears 0
you deserve it for having twilight in your username. along with those obnoxious "xXx"
harry_potter7777 0
my username says enough
perstephane 4
I'm with #69 - you HAVE to mean Ambien. I suggest you find something else before you do something worse (and yes, I've seen people on it do way worse).
ohrlynow 9
If your breakfast was just "awkward" and not a raging shouting match after admitting shit like that to your mom, then no wonder you're doing what you're doing at 14-15 (I'm assuming that from your SN).
aardvarkish 17
That's OK. I relive combat moments in my sleep and freak every one in the house out.... Especially after a sleeping pill....
dbs_fml 0
lies make baby Jesus cry
tugknife 0
YDI for having pills and not taking more. if your not passed out on the floor in a puddle of your own drool you didn't take the proper amount. think about it. and you like twilight. re-evaluate your life man