Today, I woke up to the most awkward breakfast of my life. Apparently, last night after taking my sleeping pill, I went into my mom's room and started spilling secrets left and right. Secrets about my current crush, the people I've hooked up with, and how when I say I'm going over to my friend Beth's house, I'm really seeing a guy. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up in my friend's living room after our sleepover. I heard her hot older brother and his friends in the kitchen. Feeling confident, I exposed my midriff a little bit just to give them a peek. They groaned and threw a blanket over me. FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend making breakfast. I thought he was making it for me, so I sat at the table. When he walked over with his plate, he said, "Oh, I didn't know you were here!" I'd slept in the same bed with him last night. FML
Today, I pretended to be asleep when my mom and her best friend came home because I was tired as hell and I didn't want to be around them. I was then treated to a loud conversation about my mom's first time with a woman through our paper-thin walls. FML
Today, my mom decided to tell me about her new boyfriend. I know him. I've slept with him. FML
Today, I was sleeping with my boyfriend and woke up in his arms to hear him say "Mom, Mom." FML
Today, my mother showed up to pick something up from my house. I was sleeping and before I knew it she was in my bedroom, jumping on my bed, saying hi to my ex-girlfriend who she thought was with me. It wasn't my ex, and I doubt that girl will ever want to hang out again after that awkward morning. FML
Today, my best friend told me he had a crush on someone in my house. I got excited, but he told me it was my mom. FML
Today, I woke up at my boyfriend's place with grumbling stomach pains. I left him in bed to go have explosive diarrhea in the bathroom next to his room. When I was done, I came back to bed and snuggled in next to his sleeping body. He rolled over to whisper, "I heard everything." FML
Today, I woke up to a stranger in my bed. Just as my parents responded to my screaming, I remembered that I'd helped my boyfriend sneak in through my window last night. FML
Today, I had a wet dream. When I woke up, I was touching myself. Unfortunately, I also woke up to find that I had fallen asleep on the couch after eating too much at a family reunion. When I looked around the room, over 10 relatives were giving me nasty looks. FML
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Top comments
cocacola999 27
I wish I had taken a look at the username and learnt that OP is either 12 or at least at the mental level of a 12-year-old, before clicking FYL.
n1rvanat1zed 0
That's just uncool.
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Comments (198)
stinkytruck 0
All bullshit. Quit faking FML's.
jackhammer786 0
FYL. No, you shouldn't be lying about what you're doing, but nobody deserves to subconsciously tell their secrets to someone. Everyone has some type of secret, and it would suck if you got up in the middle of the night and blurted them to someone.
roachan 4
wow. the comments. smh.
Ihatewhinypeople 0
I feel like I've seen this FML before.
KurouTenshi 0
me too @.@
orangesodaftw 0
First of all, the only good thing about Twilight is that Muse's Supermassive Black Hole is in the movie. Secondly, OP, YDI for being a 14 year old *****.
gigi_bella 0
So when you say "hooked up", what you really mean is getting it on with the talking Edward Cullen plush toy in your room, correct?
nonconscious 0
Moron.
unknown_female 0
wow how entertained your mother must have been...O_O
FYLDeep 26
Apparently you couldn't sleep because you had a guilty conscience.
reichst 0
hmmm was it ambien? crazy stuff happens all the time with those things, i cant sleep at night without them. as for the spilling of the secrets, everyone has secrets, and not every parent connects with their kids.
slothlover66 0
Everyone's hating on the Twilight username; I'm 24 and liked Twilight. I say good for you OP for sticking with what you like even if everyone thinks it's "uncool".
Shadic 0
It's not "uncool." Every other 14 year old girl likes the same crappy "novel."
Stotan1228 0
^^ WIN