Today, I woke up to the most awkward breakfast of my life. Apparently, last night after taking my sleeping pill, I went into my mom's room and started spilling secrets left and right. Secrets about my current crush, the people I've hooked up with, and how when I say I'm going over to my friend Beth's house, I'm really seeing a guy. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up in my friend's living room after our sleepover. I heard her hot older brother and his friends in the kitchen. Feeling confident, I exposed my midriff a little bit just to give them a peek. They groaned and threw a blanket over me. FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend making breakfast. I thought he was making it for me, so I sat at the table. When he walked over with his plate, he said, "Oh, I didn't know you were here!" I'd slept in the same bed with him last night. FML
Today, I pretended to be asleep when my mom and her best friend came home because I was tired as hell and I didn't want to be around them. I was then treated to a loud conversation about my mom's first time with a woman through our paper-thin walls. FML
Today, my mom decided to tell me about her new boyfriend. I know him. I've slept with him. FML
Today, I was sleeping with my boyfriend and woke up in his arms to hear him say "Mom, Mom." FML
Today, my mother showed up to pick something up from my house. I was sleeping and before I knew it she was in my bedroom, jumping on my bed, saying hi to my ex-girlfriend who she thought was with me. It wasn't my ex, and I doubt that girl will ever want to hang out again after that awkward morning. FML
Today, my best friend told me he had a crush on someone in my house. I got excited, but he told me it was my mom. FML
Today, I woke up at my boyfriend's place with grumbling stomach pains. I left him in bed to go have explosive diarrhea in the bathroom next to his room. When I was done, I came back to bed and snuggled in next to his sleeping body. He rolled over to whisper, "I heard everything." FML
Today, I woke up to a stranger in my bed. Just as my parents responded to my screaming, I remembered that I'd helped my boyfriend sneak in through my window last night. FML
Today, I had a wet dream. When I woke up, I was touching myself. Unfortunately, I also woke up to find that I had fallen asleep on the couch after eating too much at a family reunion. When I looked around the room, over 10 relatives were giving me nasty looks. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
cocacola999 27
I wish I had taken a look at the username and learnt that OP is either 12 or at least at the mental level of a 12-year-old, before clicking FYL.
n1rvanat1zed 0
That's just uncool.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (198)
Crowcaller 5
ydi for liking twilight bitch
Darklord53 0
apparently either you did this or your parents read your diary if you keep one
GogoTheGreat 12
Blame it on the drugs!!
stevenmx86 8
Living with you're parents still so you're obviously fairly young (i hope), why in the hell are you taking sleeping pills? Wtf is up with youth anymore? If you can't sleep at the end of the day, barring true insomnia/other sleep related illness (diagnosed by a doctor), you are not doing enough during the day.. Maybe it's time to try exercising?
22cute 17
STOP TAKING DRUGS! Obviously, the sleeping pills are bad for you and not having the intended effects.
Taurus_ChicKa 37
To everyone saying OP deserves it just because she has Twilight in her name, grow up and shut up. I am so sick of people dissing Twilight. Her username has nothing to do with this FML. With that being said, OP didn't deserve that - maybe she has insomnia and needs the sleeping pills. However, if she didn't need them or didn't take the right amount, she deserves it. We don't have all the facts.
heyitsdiamond 5
Oh that has got to be awkward hope it gets better.......
AEady15 3
OH GOD
Hookahlover16 2
lightweights -_-
cami197934 3
I always skip over those long ones