Today, my girlfriend decided to bribe me to be good since we were going out to dinner with her parents by giving me a blowjob. The good news: it was one of the best she had ever given. The bad news: I came on her black dress. She responded by hitting in me in the nuts. Hard. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my normally-prudish girlfriend grabbed my crotch and said, "I want you to fuck me like I've never been fucked." I obliged. She loved it, until after we'd finished, when she decided that she felt "cheap, gross, and used" and started a huge fight. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. When she went to give me a blow job, I got embarrassed and told her I'd rather just please her instead. Now she thinks she's inadequate and I'm being a jerk. FML
Today, I decided to treat my girlfriend by eating her out. After a while I thought she was going to cum, but instead she farted in my mouth. FML
Today, my girlfriend made me put a blanket over my head while giving me a blowjob because she didn't like the faces I was making. FML
Today, during a blowjob, my girlfriend decided to try something new by squeezing my balls as hard as she could as I came, for a "more intense orgasm". All she gave me was a ruptured testicle. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML
Today, my wife surprised me with a blow job. Turns out it was a punishment for not doing the washing, as she did it with Chilli powder in her mouth. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML
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Top comments
genius_man16 1
She was the one who wanted to bribe you. WTF is her problem?
pat2rome 0
Her fault for not swallowing. FYL
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Comments (192)
stonedfishies 10
That's HER fault. Lolll.
RaizerBerry 3
By giving you *******? What kind of speak?
fyredancer911 3
She wanted to bribe you. She gave you a ******** and she was dumb enough to wear the dress. Of course why you had to be bribed is concerning. Back to the point, she shouldn't've gotten pissed off cuz you finished, and it happened to land on her dress. Since that wasn't your intent. (:
splurgethesnow 5
Your fault shouldn't have needed a bribe
Jonny_Blaze0017 26
He didn't have to be bribed, he just wanted some head no guy can resist that
KiroBloodDrunk 14
YDI for her having to bribe you before you'd behave good around her parents.
fooska 5
I feel sorry for you it is not okay to hit a guy in the nuts once a girl kicked my brother in the nuts when he was ten he started bleeding and had to put vaseline on it every 2 hour
mrwoogy 2
her fault, not yours. she shouldve kept it in her mouth
RedSoloCup 10
If she would just swallow, it could all have been avoided.
soupforcats 5
?????✌️?