Today, I stayed home, sick in bed. I had been sleeping on my arms. I got up quickly to grab the phone. My numb left arm rocketed and punched me in the (now cut) lip, which threw me off balance, making me smash my (now bloody) nose off of the headboard. It was a telemarketer. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was waiting at home for a phone call. While I was in the bathroom, the phone rang. I quickly stopped my business and ran out of the bathroom with my pants round my ankles. I leaped over the couch, tripping and then stubbing my toe while hopping to the phone. It was a telemarketer. FML
Today, after getting up to press snooze on my alarm clock, I climbed back into bed. When I went to reach for the covers quickly because I was cold, I missed, yet still managed to pull back my fist with force punching myself in the face. I now have a bloody fat lip. FML
Today, I woke to find a pool of my own blood all over my pillow. Frantic to find the source of the blood, I rushed into the bathroom and tripped over my too-long pajama pants. Crashing to the floor face first, I broke my nose. Turns out I had just bitten my lip in the middle of the night. FML
Today, my phone started ringing in the other room. I ran to go pick it up, tripped over my coffee table which gashed my leg, and knocked over my brand new 50" LCD TV, which broke over my head. Turns out it was a wrong number. FML
Today, I woke up, only to find my arm was still asleep. I tried to move it just a tiny bit, but somehow ended up punching myself in the face. FML
Today, at three in the morning, I rolled out of bed in my sleep, landing butt-first into my trash can and scraping my arm on my bedside table. I cleaned up the mess I'd made and tried to stop my arm from bleeding. During which, my dad banged on the door and told me to keep it down. FML
Today, I had to go to the ER to treat a sprain on my left arm. What caused it? A phone. You read that right. A phone. Particularly, my husband’s phone. It was on the table where I was standing and with one swift motion, he yanked my arm, pulled me out of the way, and snatched the thing. FML
Today, the phone kept ringing so I picked it up and answered. When there was no response, it took a minute to realize that I was still in bed and talking to my hand. FML
Today, there was something itching me in my bed, it was the tag to my pillow case. I ripped it off, very hard and slipped and punched myself right in the face. I broke my nose. FML
Today, I went to the emergency room for busting my lip open, I had to lie and tell them I slipped and fell. In reality I was singing with the soap bottle and slammed it into my lip. FML
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Top comments
beekers 0
Wow, you got beat up by yourself. That takes a lot of talent.
vampireknight 0
how the ****?...i would like to see a reinactment. but dont worry it sounded like something id do
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Comments (56)
beekers 0
Wow, you got beat up by yourself. That takes a lot of talent.
millerjake33 0
uhm fail?
greenman_fml 0
tough ******* bitch
vampireknight 0
how the ****?...i would like to see a reinactment. but dont worry it sounded like something id do
okaypineapple 0
You kicked your own ass. I guess you deserved it.
CaptainCrunch_fml 0
Oh my god, I'm trying to hard to not laugh because my roommate is sleeping but that is hilarious! Probably because I always sleep on my arm, and when I wake up and try to scratch my face or something, I always wind up punching myself in the face.
PureGold 0
Aww, that sucks x(. Whenever it's least convenient for you, or it would take the most effort for you to reach the phone, telemarketers call. It's a known fact. As a matter of fact, I've been there: I was once woken up by the phone ringing when I was home alone, and in my drowsiness, unable to open my eyes even half way, I fell down the stairs trying to get to it. I thought that woke me up a little, so I got off my bruised butt and stumbled into the kitchen to answer the phone, only to find it was a telemarketer. Plus, I'd been so late in getting to the phone, the whole conversation was recorded on my answering machine. I thought I'd done okay with the talking part while it was taking place considering I was half-asleep and aching all over, but realized that I sounded that way too when my parents came home and, with shit-eating grins on their faces, had me listen to the message. My mom almost fell over from laughing so hard. FML
suckerz 0
I call bs
csigabajnok 0
Bigtime FAIL, that is!
Dayen 0
rubber arms are the worst. sorry to hear that.
Tbabyy1009 0
Lmao!!! Omg I hate when that happens!! I thought there was a rapist touching my stomach and I freaked!! I screamed and jumped up and it was my arm.. Lol then my mom came in and thought I was dieing