Today, my girlfriend decided to bribe me to be good since we were going out to dinner with her parents by giving me a blowjob. The good news: it was one of the best she had ever given. The bad news: I came on her black dress. She responded by hitting in me in the nuts. Hard. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my normally-prudish girlfriend grabbed my crotch and said, "I want you to fuck me like I've never been fucked." I obliged. She loved it, until after we'd finished, when she decided that she felt "cheap, gross, and used" and started a huge fight. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. When she went to give me a blow job, I got embarrassed and told her I'd rather just please her instead. Now she thinks she's inadequate and I'm being a jerk. FML
Today, I decided to treat my girlfriend by eating her out. After a while I thought she was going to cum, but instead she farted in my mouth. FML
Today, my girlfriend made me put a blanket over my head while giving me a blowjob because she didn't like the faces I was making. FML
Today, during a blowjob, my girlfriend decided to try something new by squeezing my balls as hard as she could as I came, for a "more intense orgasm". All she gave me was a ruptured testicle. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up, and gave me a thumbs up. I can never take oral sex seriously again. FML
Today, my wife surprised me with a blow job. Turns out it was a punishment for not doing the washing, as she did it with Chilli powder in her mouth. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
genius_man16 1
She was the one who wanted to bribe you. WTF is her problem?
pat2rome 0
Her fault for not swallowing. FYL
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (192)
alexthedude 0
@2: or she could have simply taken it all off and had a good time everywhere else. xD
HarperGirl 4
are you out of your freaking mind what the hell is wrong with you that would hurt and make you a total ass i mean seriously, i don't care if she did punch him (which is bad) would you like her to put a cattle prod to your nuts p.s. is a cattle prod the one that shocks your or burns you either way thought that would hurt like hell
kiss_of_death 0
epic fail rite there
RiceballMD 0
it's her own damn fault!
capgray 0
a ******** in a black dress? sounds like a james bond movie
campbellshayla73 0
haha
aidenkush 0
lol that sucks
the_undead 11
that's why you swallow! ;)
blondebabe101 0
yea i would have swallowed!!!
sswss 0
Judging by your pic, I can tell. I bet you give amazing head. Good looking girls like you are hard to come by. Or should I say cum by
SaturnE_fml 0
Who gives a shit who's fault the mess was, or why it was a bribe? She shouldn't be hitting her boyfriend. Given this scenario: "Today, my boyfriend convinced me to stay at home when his parents came by for dinner by giving me a romantic massage, while kissing me. I got aroused and left a snail trail on his pants, so he broke my nose." She deserved to be hit?
dangerdale 0
why didn't she just swallow