Today, while bitching some girl out for spilling coffee all over me, she looked at me with accepting eyes and after I'd finished said, "I can understand your anger, big girls like you get grumpy when they're hungry." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went out to lunch with my girlfriend. I asked if she was going to finish her meal, hoping to steal a bite or two. She somehow took this as me calling her fat, threw her drink at me, and stormed off. I just wanted some steak. FML
Today, my disgusting coworker made a comment about "women versus accountability" and I couldn't even yell at him for being a sexist scumbucket, because my wife threw coffee at me yesterday for pointing out that she'd left the chips open and they went stale. FML
Today, my girlfriend threw a bitch fit about her clothes not fitting and how she’s “so fat” to the point of storming out of the house when I asked her to please calm down. Just a couple of hours earlier, we'd ordered food and she ordered a salad, then asked to trade my burger and fries with her. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend out for lunch, and I asked her if I could have a bite of her meal. She took it to mean I was calling her fat, and stormed out. FML
Today, my mom was "that" customer at the local drive-thru. She slipped into attention whore mode and bitched the guy out for not giving us extra fries. He said she didn't ask for any, which was true. Instead of apologizing, she swore at him and floored the gas, sending our drinks spilling all over me. FML
Today, I went on a coffee date with a new girl. It was over less than a minute in, when I ordered a black coffee. She lectured me about how I "obviously" have a "seriously fragile ego." I just like black coffee. FML
Today, I tried to be nice to a cute girl at the café by holding the door open for her. I smiled, leaned on the door frame, and poured my entire cup of coffee down my leg. She still said thanks before walking away. FML
Today, I asked a girl at the restaurant I work at if she'd had enough to eat. When she said yes, I said, "Are you sure?" I didn't realize how insulting it sounded until her equally overweight mom was up in my face, demanding to see my manager. FML
Today, a customer yelled at me so furiously that she sprayed my face with spittle. I had to stand there, smiling and politely explaining that I needed to see a receipt before I could give her a refund. When she finally gave up and left, my boss bitched me out for "provoking the customer". FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got up, dressed, and dealt with the kids. I had to be somewhere so I poured coffee for her and me and started eating my breakfast. She got offended, refused to drink coffee with me, and has been ignoring me since. She regularly starts eating before I sit down. FML
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Top comments
Haterandlover 0
Your fault......People make mistakes.
missL1z 5
You kinda deserved it. Nobody ask for accident to happen, you didn't have to bitch her out for it cuz I bet she would e truly sorry about it. She made a pretty awesome comeback!
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Comments (233)
summerbreeze888 10
Best comeback ever.
iBilal 0
that sucks
Slexis_FA 0
You shouldn't have "bitched her out" since you wouldn't want someone to do that to you for accidentally making a mistake
seeb49 7
What about purposely making a mistake?
delfino1604 24
seriously? get that nasty bitch fired. or throw some hot coffee on her n ask if she's a grumpy girl
captainfalcon7 0
say "so you much be a real bitch when you get hungry
thiscrazything 1
So, um, were you Hungry? Well even if u were, u Shuda been nicer about it, accidents happen.
Deathhound 27
You deserved that all.
R4P3DwithALOHA 0
u should of bitch- slaped her LTMQ XD
R4P3DwithALOHA 0
u should of bitch- slaped her LTMQ XD
Evie_fml 14
I doubt she spilled coffee on you deliberately, it would have been an accident. If you're willing to bitch someone out for an accident then you should be willing to cop a rude response in return. If you hadn't been so rude to begin with, you would most likely have received an apology instead.
Lexianne 9
Yep! I absolutely agree. This whole transaction likely would have taken a completely different direction had you acted like an adult. More often than not, we tend to get what we give. You were out of line, and, consequently, you were promptly served an equally distasteful retort. The old adage, "You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar" is pretty accurate--most of the time, anyway. Because you chose to behave like an uncivilized, self-important bitch over a totally innocuous and extremely common accident, the negativity you spouted was thrown back in your face. Honestly, I am somewhat incredulous over the fact that you felt it was so remarkable that, somehow, a post on FML was warranted. Are you seriously that taken aback by the incident? Are you fishing for pity? Is your self-absorption and myopic worldview *that* strong?
smashgrab 0
While it's true that you catch more flies with honey than vinegar, have you ever seen how many flies gather around a big steamy pile of bullshit? Draw your own conclusions.
a_nutritionist 10
@63 for someone bitching about negative responses your holier than thou attitude isnt supporting your point. youre just making yourself look like you really need to remove your head from that dark chasm you call your ass.