Today, my son was eating a plum. I was busy in the kitchen, and he came running in saying "Mummy my plum is wet", I told him it was fine and bit a bit off to prove it. He looked at me and said "No Mummy! Can you wash it please, I dropped it in my potty". I feel ill. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while eating dinner, my child picked up a piece of their chicken off the floor and put it in their mouth. It wasn’t until during bath time did I realize it wasn't chicken but poop that fell out of their diaper. FML
Today, my five year-old son was sick with a stomach bug. He didn't want to leave my side, so I grabbed a bowl from the kitchen for him to puke into. The thing is, it was dark in the kitchen and I accidentally grabbed a strainer. My new outfit is now ruined. FML
Today, I took my two-year-old out to dinner. During dinner, our son went to the bathroom three times. As we were getting ready to leave he kept saying he had to go potty. He had gone multiple times, so I thought he would be fine. As he stood up, a giant turd fell on the floor in front of everyone. FML
Today, my 1-year-old son walked up to me with a disgusted look on his face. I could tell he had something in his mouth so I pulled it out. He'd been sucking on a piece of cat poop. FML
Today, while I was babysitting, the toddler was feeding me banana slices from her tray while I was cutting up clay for her to mold. It was all fine until she shoved something hard and crunchy into my mouth. I immediately spat it out into my hand. It was a dead cricket she found on the floor. FML
Today, while the kid I was babysitting was in the bathroom, he called to me "I need some help in here." Worried I ran to the bathroom and asked him what was wrong. He needed me to wipe his butt. As if that weren't gross enough, just as my hand was under his butt, he pooped again and laughed. FML
Today, my 3-year-old came to me very excited because he had gone to the bathroom by himself for the first time. What he did not tell me was that he had shit on the floor, and when I went into the bathroom to check, I slipped on a turd and knocked myself out on the sink. FML
Today, my 3-year-old son put into practice the lesson I taught him yesterday, about how to use a larger piece of Play-Doh to pick up smaller bits. Unfortunately, he used this method to pick up a small bit of poo from his pants with a larger bit of poo direct from the toilet. I was an hour late for work. FML
Today, my mother had to take a stool sample because she has been ill for several days. Curious, I eventually had to ask, "How did you intercept the poo before it got submerged in water?" She yelled from the other room, "You know that little plate with the red stripe?" I was eating off it. FML
Today, I had to clean up after the kid who discovered he could finger paint with his poo. FML
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Top comments
iAmScrubs 19
At least he didn't flush it down because then you would have to call a plumber.
herop 0
Poor plum, poor mom
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Comments (113)
SunnyUserName123 5
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Well, stop eating healthy?
krazy_glu3 0
You never questioned what the wetness came from?
marinus_fml 20
Best idea ever, Genius! Why don't we all stop eating healthy and become obese! **** you dumbass.
SunnyUserName123 5
Aww, is the douchebag who thinks he's hot in the picture mad? Take a joke, moron.
enonymous 9
Uh... You gonna finish that plum? I've eaten at Arby's I've had worse.
marinus_fml 20
#15, hilarious ******* joke. Pissed myself laughing. You're looking quite sexy in that default pic of yours mate. Until you get one STFU and don't comment about people's pictures.
enonymous 9
18 if it makes you feel better. I'd let you ride the 'stache...
SunnyUserName123 5
I didn't read any rule about commenting about someones picture after acting superior. I also didn't read rule about having to 'STFU' after some loser tries to complain. Having a picture is your choice, you put it up, you look like a douche bag. I just pointed it out :)
fabian21 0
Plums: Now with 50% more urine!
n_epic_fail 14
12- stop being a hypocrite because it seems you yourself is a dumb ass. just because some eats healthy doesn't mean they can't be obese, or that all people that don't are.
Majstr 23
It is not like she is going to die.
hope540 0
Obese people dont eat healthy. Thats why theyre obese? Obviously...
nadhirah 4
38-on the surface, what you said is true. But you just don't know what goes on in a person's life. Sometimes people become really fat due to an illness. Like how some people become really thin due to an illness. And generally, I don't think it's fair to judge someone based on their body. Everyone have their own insecurities. So it's not fair for us to judge. Do you think fat girls really wanna be fat all their lives? They try to lose weight. But sometimes it's really difficult. I would know. But that doesn't mean that I'm not healthy. Life would be a better place if everyone just have some basic respect for others. :)
marinus_fml 20
#25, are you serious? I will not even drop down to your intelligence level because you will beat me with experience. I may start debating your point once you can construct a proper sentence and use proper grammar. Just for the record, people who do not eat healthy will become fat. And no disrespect to the girl that said shes fat but healthy, I don't think it's possible. Being overweight is unhealthy.
metalsmith 0
hashimotos thyroiditis.
nadhirah 4
Of course being overweight in the long run is unhealthy. Its just that as of now, I do not have any illnesses yet. But it doesn't mean I won't keep trying to lose weight. And of course I'm not very fit. Running is really a chore. It's insanely tiring. But it doesn't mean I can't do it. Lifestyle is a choice. If someone is fat, it doesn't mean they don't eat healthy. And a thin person doesn't always eat healthy. Our body works in different ways. Bottom line, I'm not saying that it's healthy to be fat. There will be consequences. But I just don't think it's fair to stereotype and discriminate people just cause we're not the ideal.
marinus_fml 20
^^ well said. Hope you attain your goals. I am not discriminating though.
nadhirah 4
:) I know. I wasn't attacking you or anything. And thanks :)
nromanyuk 4
25 - you sure are an epic fail! 12 & 42 is so right! If you eat healthy, there's no way you'll be obese. Unless you have a serious illness which causes you to be overweight. And that's only a handful of obese ppl. The rest become obese because of their unhealthy eating. And then they get health problems. 25 - you definitely need a nutrition class.
ReynshineCutting 10
You can most definitely eat healthy and be overweight (maybe not obese). And you can most definitely eat nothing but junk food and be as skinny as a rail. I eat mostly healthy and am overweight, my fiancé eats whatever the **** he wants and about 4000 calories a day and only has like 5% body fat. Every person is different.
stacianichole 2
When did obesity/diet/metabolism ACTUALLY become relevant here? Oh wait.
sccrismyantidrg 4
42- For the record: When you insult someone on their sentence structure, you may NOT want to use a run-on sentence in the process; it just looks bad on your part. I suggest using a semicolon like I just did. :)
gojira666 7
lol @ "mummy my plum is wet"
1234567890aman 0
Thats stupid
meidel 5
Oh wow.
animalover721 3
Hahahahaha
theaws0m3guy 4
The plum plummeted past piss powerfully.
IndiRae 9
Pish posh, please pull your panties out of their piled up predicament, the plum is perfectly presentable.
herop 0
Poor plum, poor mom
rottentomatoes 7
Love your profile pic, herop.
herop 0
Thanks lol
loganberrybat 11
The word is mum
mohammadkm95 6
YDI for eating/touchingANYTHING wet from a child
iAmScrubs 19
No, that's actually a very bad theory for why OP would deserve it.
dd809 9
Apparently you've never been around a little kid. They do a lot of gross unsanitary things. She deserves it for not using a little more common sense. Unfortunately common sense isn't so common these days
morgan020 0
When my 3 year old tries to hand me something wet I always ask why it's wet. And if I'm unsure I wash it immediately. Kids can surprise you with really gross stuff.
BadMeetsEvil305 0
She doesn't deserve it at all, but it's true. Never accept anything wet from a kid 6 or under or else you might be in for a bad surprise.
MiniNub 16
As a teen. Don't bite my food and expect me to eat it after. Not gonna happen.
fatalkiss 0
Just focus on how much you're strengthening your immune system
iAmScrubs 19
At least he didn't flush it down because then you would have to call a plumber.
funkthat26 2
I see what you did there. Witty lil bastard ROFL
TheCylonmaster 3
You just made my day!
AmberBri 8
Probably the wittiest and best comment I've ever seen. Just awesome. ;)
RA661 8
That's crappy.
danielabella94 0
Well at least....no that's just gross! I'm sorry :(
Mysanitywins 10
Well, that sucks OP. Hopefully you don't get sick and all that.
Siji 0
Nightmare Moon be jammin?
Mysanitywins 10
That's my OC Pony :P
McMike10 1
That sucks Kids eh? They do the darndest things