Today, I went on a coffee date with a new girl. It was over less than a minute in, when I ordered a black coffee. She lectured me about how I "obviously" have a "seriously fragile ego." I just like black coffee. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went on a coffee date with the man I've been in love with for a while. Before I knew what was going on, he'd started chatting up a pretty girl sitting nearby. I had to drink my coffee alone while he got her number. FML
Today, I was trying to flirt with a cute girl when I asked the barista, “Make mine just like hers.” It turns out she'd ordered a decaf soy lavender tea latte. I hate all of those words. FML
Today, I was chatting with the girl of my dreams, a real heart-to-heart. Everything was going great, and I asked her if she'd like to get coffee together sometime. She immediately backed away and excused herself, mumbling something about not dating left-handed people. Huh? FML
Today, I went on a coffee date with a guy I'm interested in. He picked up his phone mid-date to finalize dinner plans with another girl. FML
Today, a customer screamed at me, because her iced coffee tasted exactly like coffee, and she hates coffee. Sadly, this isn't even the most insane person I've had to deal with at this job. FML
Today, I finally got the courage to talk to this coworker I like and ask her out for a coffee next door. She was dismissive, cold and rude, and filed a complaint with HR. FML
Today, at the café I work at, I was yelled at by a woman because the drinks and food she ordered were "taking too long". Before I had the chance to get a word in, she stormed out and said she would never come back. I didn't get the chance to inform her that she hadn't ordered yet. FML
Today, I tried to flirt with the cute barista by pretending to know a lot about coffee. I said, “I’ll take a macchiato, extra creamy.” He smiled and said, “That’s… not a thing.” I panicked and said, “Neither is my love life.” FML
Today, I went to my favorite coffee shop, ordered my usual, smiled at the barista I have a crush on, and confidently said, "You too!" when they told me to enjoy my drink. I have to find a new coffee shop. FML
Today, I was at a coffee shop, trying to get to know the cute new barista. I wanted to compliment his nice eyes, but I got nervous and blurted out, "You have nice elbows!" He stared at me, confused, as I quickly grabbed my coffee and left. Now I can't even imagine going back there. FML
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Top comments
tiptoppc 21
Wait, what? Wtf does that mean? It feels like there’s context missing; some allusions to racial orientation followed by an assumption of preference based on it. I started liking black coffee because my dad as a kid made his so sweet it could give you diabetes (he’s from south where you ingest a pound of sugar with a pound of insulin) and i overtime got even too lazy to put minimal amounts of sugar in. Then i found out i like bitter/sour/tart things. Everyone has preferences for their own reasons with foods. I didn’t know egos were a part of that!
Lost Reggie 22
Not sure how black coffee equates to a fragile ego. FYL, but you obviously dodged a bullet.
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Comments (3)
tiptoppc 21
Wait, what? Wtf does that mean? It feels like there’s context missing; some allusions to racial orientation followed by an assumption of preference based on it. I started liking black coffee because my dad as a kid made his so sweet it could give you diabetes (he’s from south where you ingest a pound of sugar with a pound of insulin) and i overtime got even too lazy to put minimal amounts of sugar in. Then i found out i like bitter/sour/tart things. Everyone has preferences for their own reasons with foods. I didn’t know egos were a part of that!
DLBL 23
Almost all the veterans I know drink coffee black, because in The Service, they don't have a little table with sugar, fresh cream and delicate stir sticks. Veterans drank coffee to stay alert on their important missions, and it wasn't exactly French Press either. One said that anyone who puts cream and/or sugar in coffee doesn't like coffee. I agree.
Lost Reggie 22
Not sure how black coffee equates to a fragile ego. FYL, but you obviously dodged a bullet.
core01 30
I never understood going to a coffee shop, ordering gourmet, expensive, quality brewed coffee, just to overwhelm the taste of the coffee with cream and sugar.