Today, I was going down on my girlfriend. I thought everything was going well, then all of a sudden she gets up and screams at me "IT'S NOT A TACO EATING COMPETITION, CHILL OUT." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, in the middle of sex, my girlfriend yelled, "STUFF ME LIKE A TURKEY!" I couldn't finish. FML
Today, while my girlfriend was going down on me, she looked up at me and said, in a high-pitched voice, "Yummy yummy yummy yummy yummy!" FML
Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. The words "Christ, Jeff. It's a vagina, not a burrito. CALM DOWN!" were spoken. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting heated. I kissed her on the neck, chest, stomach, and threw up as I kissed between her legs. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. She was on top, and then stopped, got off, and said, "Let's go get ice cream." I think this was her way of telling me I suck at sex. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend out for lunch, and I asked her if I could have a bite of her meal. She took it to mean I was calling her fat, and stormed out. FML
Today, I decided to treat my girlfriend by eating her out. After a while I thought she was going to cum, but instead she farted in my mouth. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She promptly had a panic attack and screamed, "No!" FML
Today, while going down on my girlfriend, she stopped moaning and told me to stop because she couldn't fake it anymore. FML
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Top comments
loveyouall81 2
noob
mintcar 10
Ew, be gentle. You're not supposed to go at it like that.
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Comments (227)
buoe03 0
haha so sad. hopefully you'll get better with practice.
Frostillicus123 10
**** msn watch americian pie for his and tips
eatlesschipmunks 0
YDI for eating pussy
Chibipanda 1
Lmao~ you fail :P
DoubleAgent00 0
@109 ~ Yes there is, you just haven't met my wife
TheFlook 0
LOL
laxnut1382 3
ahahahahahah. FYL bro
bigchango 0
LMAOROFL that's funny give ur girl to me I'll show her a good time
theonlysweetpea 10
ftw
purple_sarah88 0
Woah! Maybe you need to work on your technique but she's the one who needs to calm down! That's not the kind of screaming someone should be doing in the bedroom! When she is calmer and in a private but non sexual situation talk it through with her. Tell her how you want to please her but yelling won't help you and ask her to tell you what she wants next time, like 'gently', 'slower' or whatever. Sometimes people find it hard to express what they want and that's when they get frustrated and upset. Discussing it at a time when you're not being intimate will take some of the tension out of the situation. She needs to learn to respect you too though, I mean you wouldn't get away with yelling at her about the way she was giving you a ********! Respect goes both ways!
ChibiMONSTER 0
ooook nice gf
rainbowpikachus 0
lmao! you got a weird gf OP...lol