Today, I was going down on my girlfriend. I thought everything was going well, then all of a sudden she gets up and screams at me "IT'S NOT A TACO EATING COMPETITION, CHILL OUT." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, in the middle of sex, my girlfriend yelled, "STUFF ME LIKE A TURKEY!" I couldn't finish. FML
Today, while my girlfriend was going down on me, she looked up at me and said, in a high-pitched voice, "Yummy yummy yummy yummy yummy!" FML
Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. The words "Christ, Jeff. It's a vagina, not a burrito. CALM DOWN!" were spoken. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting heated. I kissed her on the neck, chest, stomach, and threw up as I kissed between her legs. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. She was on top, and then stopped, got off, and said, "Let's go get ice cream." I think this was her way of telling me I suck at sex. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend out for lunch, and I asked her if I could have a bite of her meal. She took it to mean I was calling her fat, and stormed out. FML
Today, I decided to treat my girlfriend by eating her out. After a while I thought she was going to cum, but instead she farted in my mouth. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She promptly had a panic attack and screamed, "No!" FML
Today, while going down on my girlfriend, she stopped moaning and told me to stop because she couldn't fake it anymore. FML
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Top comments
loveyouall81 2
noob
mintcar 10
Ew, be gentle. You're not supposed to go at it like that.
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Comments (227)
greatfirstdate 18
reminds me of my boyfriend. he thinks that i'll find it way more pleasurable if he just puts his tongue everywhere or deep inside, but i think both of you need to watch some **** to see how it's done.
SkoomaKi 28
Always start slow, let her build up. You'll eventually get her to c-minor ;)
trintrinmir 9
Is she Mexican? That would be freaking hilarious.
pessarn 5
cho'gath used feast! OMNOMNOMNOM
vincentcloud 4
You sir win.
Rhondaplp 11
I'm thinking F her life
vincentcloud 4
Sit him down in front of lesbian **** and make him watch it and how its done, I did that a couple of time and every girl I have gone down on has had ZERO complaints.
angrymexicanwee 8
Tell her for her it will be;)
TMWhisp 22
Might need to work on your table manners or maybe she just over-reacted?
adiesso 5
ahahahaha????this is too funny
shannon2348 14
she's probably tried subtly to tell you to chill but you didnt pay attention. ydi