Today, I was going down on my girlfriend. I thought everything was going well, then all of a sudden she gets up and screams at me "IT'S NOT A TACO EATING COMPETITION, CHILL OUT." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, in the middle of sex, my girlfriend yelled, "STUFF ME LIKE A TURKEY!" I couldn't finish. FML
Today, while my girlfriend was going down on me, she looked up at me and said, in a high-pitched voice, "Yummy yummy yummy yummy yummy!" FML
Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. The words "Christ, Jeff. It's a vagina, not a burrito. CALM DOWN!" were spoken. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting heated. I kissed her on the neck, chest, stomach, and threw up as I kissed between her legs. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. She was on top, and then stopped, got off, and said, "Let's go get ice cream." I think this was her way of telling me I suck at sex. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend out for lunch, and I asked her if I could have a bite of her meal. She took it to mean I was calling her fat, and stormed out. FML
Today, I decided to treat my girlfriend by eating her out. After a while I thought she was going to cum, but instead she farted in my mouth. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She promptly had a panic attack and screamed, "No!" FML
Today, while going down on my girlfriend, she stopped moaning and told me to stop because she couldn't fake it anymore. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
loveyouall81 2
noob
mintcar 10
Ew, be gentle. You're not supposed to go at it like that.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (227)
dps_fml 0
you're gay if you are scared of pussy
mfootechargerssd 0
She needs to be a bit more tactful with her bedroom advice. I've been with guys who were a bit clueless, but the fact is that when down there (although ulterior motives may be involved!), the main concern is to please his woman. Maybe she is not mature enough for sex if she cannot maturely communicate her desires!?!
teeheelicious 2
?
bvanessa 0
Lmfao [x
Vincentsmit11 3
HAHA this just made my day lol :P.. noob
Squires_fml 0
your a champ... real champ.
4evermossin 0
op would you want her to munch your meat like a fat Asian boy at a hot dog eating competition?
UnanomousGurl 0
Aww you can go down on me lol jp
paprikacha 9
This made me laugh so freaking hard. XD But seriously, people not knowing what the hell they're doing can be pretty damn painful, so all the comments to the tune of 'obviously she's a bitch/dump her' have clearly never had to deal with such a situation. Her yelling at him isn't going to kill him. At least she didn't hit him or anything.
Stupidpeopleanno 5
OP, Google is your friend.