Today, I was going down on my girlfriend. I thought everything was going well, then all of a sudden she gets up and screams at me "IT'S NOT A TACO EATING COMPETITION, CHILL OUT." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, in the middle of sex, my girlfriend yelled, "STUFF ME LIKE A TURKEY!" I couldn't finish. FML
Today, while my girlfriend was going down on me, she looked up at me and said, in a high-pitched voice, "Yummy yummy yummy yummy yummy!" FML
Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. The words "Christ, Jeff. It's a vagina, not a burrito. CALM DOWN!" were spoken. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting heated. I kissed her on the neck, chest, stomach, and threw up as I kissed between her legs. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. She was on top, and then stopped, got off, and said, "Let's go get ice cream." I think this was her way of telling me I suck at sex. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend out for lunch, and I asked her if I could have a bite of her meal. She took it to mean I was calling her fat, and stormed out. FML
Today, I decided to treat my girlfriend by eating her out. After a while I thought she was going to cum, but instead she farted in my mouth. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She promptly had a panic attack and screamed, "No!" FML
Today, while going down on my girlfriend, she stopped moaning and told me to stop because she couldn't fake it anymore. FML
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Top comments
loveyouall81 2
noob
mintcar 10
Ew, be gentle. You're not supposed to go at it like that.
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Comments (227)
TempestRain 0
There is not much worse than a sloppy eater!!! Although she could have offered some instruction.
bigredmonkeybutt 30
bwaaahahahahah
jaymcq 0
sounds like someone needs to learn how to do it.
mosquito19 14
hmm...,fish taco
bananamonkee 0
kakahahahkakekrklalak
gigi03 5
Ha ha ha ha ha
kingfin88 0
I bet it smelt like one
instnt1nfction 17
WTF?
truehitman2010 0
at least it didn't smell like fish
krez 20
That's why I like being a guy. There is no such thing as a bad BJ.
larisonr 4
That reminds me of a quote I read somewhere. Went something like, "good sex is amazing, bad sex, isn't so bad either."
mbear24 0
so you'd like it even if it involved teeth? ouch