Today, my brother's friend was about to drive home drunk, so I convinced him to think and not be stupid. It wasn't an invitation to puke on my floor then try to crawl into bed with me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I volunteered to be my brother's designated driver. I told him throughout the night that I wasn't drinking, but he ended up leaving me at the bar and going to his friend's house in a cab for more drinks, taking my keys along with him. FML
Today, my roommate invited her brother over to drink. Neither can handle their drink and her brother is a sympathy spewer. He’s not my guest but I had to clean up vomit until 4 in the morning. FML
Today, my brother was going to get some drinks for a party we were going to. After getting the drinks, he ended up leaving me at home while he went and got drunk like never before. FML
Today, my friend got drunk. He always pukes when he gets drunk, but I decided to drive him home anyway. He didn't puke the whole ride. We arrived at his house and he got out. Right as I was about to drive away he stumbled back to my car because he forgot his wallet. He grabbed it and puked on me. FML
Today, a friend of mine got a bit drunk, but said she was fine and didn't feel drunk at all. I took her keys anyway and said she could sleep on my bed, while I slept on the floor next to the bed. I was rudely woken up in the middle of the night to her rolling over and vomiting on my face. FML
Today, I just spent half an hour cleaning up my little brother's puke after he got drunk for the first time. All the people who bought him drinks are still out partying and having a good time, while all I can smell is whiskey, Chinese food, and whatever else was in his stomach. FML
Today, I told my brother to piss off. He decided to do exactly that, from the balcony onto my lap. FML
Today, I attempted to make a good impression amongst new coworkers by volunteering to be the designated driver at my work party. What did that get me? A backseat full of puke and some idiot too drunk to remember where he lived. FML
Today, after spending two days cleaning my car inside and out, I had to pick up my brother when his truck died in the mountains, on a dirt road. He was drunk. I now have a car covered in mud and filled with vomit. FML
Today, my husband's old fraternity brother came to visit. He fell out of his car, puked, then passed out drunk in our driveway. We got him to the bathroom, where he fell asleep. He woke up at 4am, wandered around the house naked, pooped in my trash can, then passed out again. FML
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Top comments
Ultimate_No 7
However, you're a hero and may have saved his and other people's lives.
jonnied23 20
Cleaning up puke is much easier than cleaning up an automobile accident
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Comments (55)
Trooth 13
That sucks. At least he didn't drive
HKCgrimmjow 15
You know what OP, he could have driven home and killed himself and others... Good job for stopping him; a little bit of puke is worth it!
sabrinaacrow 26
Just make him clean up the puke
HKCgrimmjow 15
Not to shit on your parade but if he's puking it up it means he's past the point of even walking straight, no way in hell he's cleaning that up without making a bigger mess and if you leave it til next morning your house is going to smell terrible.
_GoodGuy 11
What is a drunk man's idea of a balanced diet? A Budweiser in each hand!
teddy4nyy 13
Horrible joke
LO388 7
I thought it was pretty funny.
HiIAmKevin 8
It's a good joke...besides the fact there are way better beers to be holding in each hand.
Ultimate_No 7
However, you're a hero and may have saved his and other people's lives.
jonnied23 20
Cleaning up puke is much easier than cleaning up an automobile accident
ChenEighty 20
Better safe than sorry...
theycallmekitty 13
Good for you for convincing him not to drive! Sorry you had to clean up his puke though :/ just think you earned major karma points.
chuka81 27
So wait it wasn't an invitation?
Zen_Mei 17
NO
JFloUnknown 24
Ah the old get drunk, puke, and climb into bed routine. Works like a charm!
interesting33 37
I think chuk was being sarcastic :P
StrugsNotDrugs 19
A little puke won't hurt anyone. But you saved lives out there. Good job, OP.
lilhellian 27
It really could. Imagine if he had an STD.
conqueror57 11
The S in STD stands for sexually, not sick.
lilhellian 27
Ones from blood might have a small chance. Hard, but nothing is really impossible.
emala1096 17
what are you even talking about
Riddlerette 9
While very poorly worded, what #18 meant was if the throw-up had any blood in it and if for one reason or another the blood was introduced into OP's system, such as through a cut or scrape, while she was cleaning it up, or if she was in the "splash zone" she could potentially contract any STD he may have. The likelihood of that though is quite slim, certainly not even close to sharing needles. Since it was discovered that STDs can be transferred by blood, soccer players were required to wear shin guards and students are no longer allowed to test their blood types in health or science. The more you know! *rainbow*
HortonThelephant 15
He was really living in the spirit you might say..
SS99_fml 20
Hey man that really sucks, but you saved his life. He really owes you sooooo....wait until he wakes up and make him clean it up :) haha but in all seriousness, you should be somewhat happy you saved a life OP, but man that does suck