Today, my grandma gave me a sex talk. Not the usual one, either. This one was about blowjobs. I had to sit politely as she explained it's something all women have to learn if they want a well-behaved husband, but that it's an "acquired taste." Gag me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my grandma took it upon herself to give me the sex talk. After explaining the mechanics in excessive detail, she said I shouldn't be afraid to sleep around. Apparently, I need to be comfortable with the man who'll be "conning me into blowing him for the next 50 years." FML
Today, my mom asked me for advice on how to give a good blow job. I'm a guy. FML
Today, I was talking to my husband about how I wanted our marriage to improve and not just be sex all the time. In the middle of my sentence, he asked for a blow job. FML
Today, my grandmother gave me a huge speech on being abstinent until marriage. Being the honest person that I am, I told her I wasn't a virgin anymore. Instead of being mad and telling me I was going to hell. She asked me what my favourite things to do sexually were. And told me hers in detail. FML
Today, my mom tried giving me the sex talk. Her version of "the talk" consisted of making me watch videos of guys jacking off and reassuring me that "it's natural." FML
Today, my grandma gave me the 'abstinence' speech. I had thought she already left to go back to FL but then came into my room to tell me how proud she was of me to keep my virginity. I was doing it doggie-style with my boyfriend. FML
Today, my coworker decided to give me "the talk". I'm 21 and not a virgin, yet most of what she said was new to me. FML
Today, I gave my virgin boyfriend his first ever blowjob. I was expecting we’d move on to full sex straight away, but he was weird about it. I asked what was wrong, and he was confused why men are obsessed with blowjobs, because the one I just gave wasn’t that good. FML
Today, my grandmother gave me a sex talk on how I should take "precautions", right in the middle of a packed bus station. I'm 21. FML
Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML
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Top comments
Rosemary072098 11
Grandma knows what she's talking about ;)
BubbleGrunge 18
I think she's trying to teach you how NOT to gag.
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Comments (136)
huanghuang 5
Omg, op is from China?! didnt know there s such a Chinese grandma who can talk about sex especially BJ with her grandchild..
valleyshooter 8
I know it wasn't based in china but watch full metal jacket. " Me love you long time. Me so horny,sucky, sucky ten dollar." That movie was awesome in soo many ways. FMJ is a war movie FYI.
vadaaa 11
49- that has absolutely nothing to do with this
hama806 19
Your grandmother is very wise! And awesome! Take her advice. My advice? Make sure your man knows how to go down on you too. Equal opportunity...
mjeter86 3
Amen!
seantn4 17
hey at least you'll satisfy your guy now OP.... just remember....grandma knows best
wvcheesehead1 9
A mouthful of good advice there, even though it seems you had trouble choking it down.
Vidimus 13
You're doing it wrong if you're gagging.
chrissylovesyou 7
The wise have experience. ;)
Missy2612 11
take advice from the elderly... granny knows best! ;)
israelnotjacob 20
And you sat through it why? Just say you don't want to hear this and walk away. What is she going to do about it?
ebonyrose2828 16
I love giving my partner ********. plus what I get back is amazing!
yoursucklives 36
k.
oped01 8
So does Grandma spit or swallow?