Today, my grandma gave me a sex talk. Not the usual one, either. This one was about blowjobs. I had to sit politely as she explained it's something all women have to learn if they want a well-behaved husband, but that it's an "acquired taste." Gag me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my grandma took it upon herself to give me the sex talk. After explaining the mechanics in excessive detail, she said I shouldn't be afraid to sleep around. Apparently, I need to be comfortable with the man who'll be "conning me into blowing him for the next 50 years." FML
Today, my mom asked me for advice on how to give a good blow job. I'm a guy. FML
Today, I was talking to my husband about how I wanted our marriage to improve and not just be sex all the time. In the middle of my sentence, he asked for a blow job. FML
Today, my grandmother gave me a huge speech on being abstinent until marriage. Being the honest person that I am, I told her I wasn't a virgin anymore. Instead of being mad and telling me I was going to hell. She asked me what my favourite things to do sexually were. And told me hers in detail. FML
Today, my mom tried giving me the sex talk. Her version of "the talk" consisted of making me watch videos of guys jacking off and reassuring me that "it's natural." FML
Today, my grandma gave me the 'abstinence' speech. I had thought she already left to go back to FL but then came into my room to tell me how proud she was of me to keep my virginity. I was doing it doggie-style with my boyfriend. FML
Today, my coworker decided to give me "the talk". I'm 21 and not a virgin, yet most of what she said was new to me. FML
Today, I gave my virgin boyfriend his first ever blowjob. I was expecting we’d move on to full sex straight away, but he was weird about it. I asked what was wrong, and he was confused why men are obsessed with blowjobs, because the one I just gave wasn’t that good. FML
Today, my grandmother gave me a sex talk on how I should take "precautions", right in the middle of a packed bus station. I'm 21. FML
Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML
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Top comments
Rosemary072098 11
Grandma knows what she's talking about ;)
BubbleGrunge 18
I think she's trying to teach you how NOT to gag.
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Comments (136)
EpicSquishii 21
Judging by your last sentence, it seems that she taught you well! Quick learner!
slooby_fml 25
Username win
MooseKnuckle5150 13
Kudos for the username.
kumonsucks 7
Get some sorbé cause you'll a clean pallet for this one. FYL
gc327072 31
"you'll a clean pallet…" ~Well kumonsucks, perhaps you should pay a bit more attention while there, eh?~
ksks1234 33
Has your grandmother's marriage lasted? If so, she knows what she is talking about.
kemando 22
Inb4 gag me jokes. ( or after)
SaturnV 25
After. OP got the first one of those with her username.
junkman6 22
A woman that can give amazing head is a girl who is never single. Look it up its facts. If you treat a man well and give good head well you're a married woman the second you want to be. Grandma is hooking you up.
noelasis94 18
Boomin granny came along to teach her lovely grand daughter about the birds and the bees, and the flowers, and getting on her knees. When grandmas here we always learn new things.
dandaman1457 7
Anybody else think of the grandma from Beerfest?
Enslaved 38
"Grandma, I'm glad we had this talk because **** confuses me! Why do I always watch the guys come all over the girls' faces when I know they rather keep it in the girls' mouths to swallow!? And why is there 20 cans of pineapple juice in your cupboard?"