Today, my grandma gave me a sex talk. Not the usual one, either. This one was about blowjobs. I had to sit politely as she explained it's something all women have to learn if they want a well-behaved husband, but that it's an "acquired taste." Gag me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my grandma took it upon herself to give me the sex talk. After explaining the mechanics in excessive detail, she said I shouldn't be afraid to sleep around. Apparently, I need to be comfortable with the man who'll be "conning me into blowing him for the next 50 years." FML
Today, my mom asked me for advice on how to give a good blow job. I'm a guy. FML
Today, I was talking to my husband about how I wanted our marriage to improve and not just be sex all the time. In the middle of my sentence, he asked for a blow job. FML
Today, my grandmother gave me a huge speech on being abstinent until marriage. Being the honest person that I am, I told her I wasn't a virgin anymore. Instead of being mad and telling me I was going to hell. She asked me what my favourite things to do sexually were. And told me hers in detail. FML
Today, my mom tried giving me the sex talk. Her version of "the talk" consisted of making me watch videos of guys jacking off and reassuring me that "it's natural." FML
Today, my grandma gave me the 'abstinence' speech. I had thought she already left to go back to FL but then came into my room to tell me how proud she was of me to keep my virginity. I was doing it doggie-style with my boyfriend. FML
Today, my coworker decided to give me "the talk". I'm 21 and not a virgin, yet most of what she said was new to me. FML
Today, I gave my virgin boyfriend his first ever blowjob. I was expecting we’d move on to full sex straight away, but he was weird about it. I asked what was wrong, and he was confused why men are obsessed with blowjobs, because the one I just gave wasn’t that good. FML
Today, my grandmother gave me a sex talk on how I should take "precautions", right in the middle of a packed bus station. I'm 21. FML
Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML
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Top comments
Rosemary072098 11
Grandma knows what she's talking about ;)
BubbleGrunge 18
I think she's trying to teach you how NOT to gag.
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Comments (136)
Saone_fml 27
Blech i hate BJs, but all the guys i've been with seem to like mine... Just wish i got something back. OP, listen to your grans advice but only when certain you'll get something back for your efforts.
laden_swallow09 35
Wrong choice of a word, there, OP.
buddy51 23
".....and that, my granddaughter, is why your grandfather died smiling..." It's a stiff order she's giving you, hard to swallow I'm sure, but if you suck in all her wisdom deeply and work hards well, you will soon be rewarded thickly by the cream of the ****, and by winning the vote of every erection!
angelofmusic113 9
Win.
Baybiiie 11
Hahaha I love your nana you lucky girl ;)
amifaiyaz 12
granny knows best.
needsagf14 12
Thumbs up if you're a guy and you'll never ask for a ********. I think it's pretty mean to the girl
yoursucklives 36
i don't see why this is mean. if you want one, why shouldn't you ask? it's not like you force her to do it, she still has a choice. i actually told my boyfriend that he should just say it when he wants a bj.
FML_14u2c 14
Guess you'll be swallowing more than your pride if you take grandmothers advice.
NocturnalCro 14
Your grandmother knows how it is. Very wise woman.
Pandamonia88 9
Sorry but your grandmother is right.
mandybrooke19 5
"but that it's an "acquired taste". Gag me. FML" Pun pun pun! :p That does suck though, I feel for you.