Today, my grandma gave me a sex talk. Not the usual one, either. This one was about blowjobs. I had to sit politely as she explained it's something all women have to learn if they want a well-behaved husband, but that it's an "acquired taste." Gag me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my grandma took it upon herself to give me the sex talk. After explaining the mechanics in excessive detail, she said I shouldn't be afraid to sleep around. Apparently, I need to be comfortable with the man who'll be "conning me into blowing him for the next 50 years." FML
Today, my mom asked me for advice on how to give a good blow job. I'm a guy. FML
Today, I was talking to my husband about how I wanted our marriage to improve and not just be sex all the time. In the middle of my sentence, he asked for a blow job. FML
Today, my grandmother gave me a huge speech on being abstinent until marriage. Being the honest person that I am, I told her I wasn't a virgin anymore. Instead of being mad and telling me I was going to hell. She asked me what my favourite things to do sexually were. And told me hers in detail. FML
Today, my mom tried giving me the sex talk. Her version of "the talk" consisted of making me watch videos of guys jacking off and reassuring me that "it's natural." FML
Today, my grandma gave me the 'abstinence' speech. I had thought she already left to go back to FL but then came into my room to tell me how proud she was of me to keep my virginity. I was doing it doggie-style with my boyfriend. FML
Today, my coworker decided to give me "the talk". I'm 21 and not a virgin, yet most of what she said was new to me. FML
Today, I gave my virgin boyfriend his first ever blowjob. I was expecting we’d move on to full sex straight away, but he was weird about it. I asked what was wrong, and he was confused why men are obsessed with blowjobs, because the one I just gave wasn’t that good. FML
Today, my grandmother gave me a sex talk on how I should take "precautions", right in the middle of a packed bus station. I'm 21. FML
Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML
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Top comments
Rosemary072098 11
Grandma knows what she's talking about ;)
BubbleGrunge 18
I think she's trying to teach you how NOT to gag.
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Comments (136)
GrinchFu1 27
If your grandma and grandpa are still married, I would listen to every word she has to say! I wouldn't take relationship advice from a 14 year old the same way I wouldn't let a shoe salesman work on my car. She knows what she's talkin about... She's put in her time and work. Listen carefully!!!
graphicstyle7 17
Ok, don't get the fact that your grandma told you this (Hey, I would hate that too. Ew) avert you from B.J.'s. Think of it this way, you are, without doubt, giving your partner a great deal of pleasure when you do that. And you are going to get a lot in return when the favor is returned. I have been told I'm amazingly good at that because of my attitude. And, yep, grandma is right. A man does not want to loose something that many girls either won't do or act all prissy about.
GodWasHereOnce 6
Anyone else think about the irony of the ending remark, "Gag me"?
Shadow_Phantom 26
Actually, not all guys like them. Hopefully you get with a guy who doesn't like them. FYL
AliStallings 5
She never said she didn't mind. Just the fact that her grandma explained it to her
beclaurela 18
Ha. Gag me. Pun intended or not, I chuckled.
fatamie 9
Grandma knows her stuff :)
XavierShade18 3
Listen to granny's wisdom.
thatonechick227 6
Gag you? I think that's kinda the idea unless you don't have a gag reflex xD
pdp_fml 21
Well, "grasshopper" learn this lesson well. Men love ******** and that's a fact. Don't be shy. You have to give some to get some.
aFreedom127 9
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