Today, my grandma gave me a sex talk. Not the usual one, either. This one was about blowjobs. I had to sit politely as she explained it's something all women have to learn if they want a well-behaved husband, but that it's an "acquired taste." Gag me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my grandma took it upon herself to give me the sex talk. After explaining the mechanics in excessive detail, she said I shouldn't be afraid to sleep around. Apparently, I need to be comfortable with the man who'll be "conning me into blowing him for the next 50 years." FML
Today, my mom asked me for advice on how to give a good blow job. I'm a guy. FML
Today, I was talking to my husband about how I wanted our marriage to improve and not just be sex all the time. In the middle of my sentence, he asked for a blow job. FML
Today, my grandmother gave me a huge speech on being abstinent until marriage. Being the honest person that I am, I told her I wasn't a virgin anymore. Instead of being mad and telling me I was going to hell. She asked me what my favourite things to do sexually were. And told me hers in detail. FML
Today, my mom tried giving me the sex talk. Her version of "the talk" consisted of making me watch videos of guys jacking off and reassuring me that "it's natural." FML
Today, my grandma gave me the 'abstinence' speech. I had thought she already left to go back to FL but then came into my room to tell me how proud she was of me to keep my virginity. I was doing it doggie-style with my boyfriend. FML
Today, my coworker decided to give me "the talk". I'm 21 and not a virgin, yet most of what she said was new to me. FML
Today, I gave my virgin boyfriend his first ever blowjob. I was expecting we’d move on to full sex straight away, but he was weird about it. I asked what was wrong, and he was confused why men are obsessed with blowjobs, because the one I just gave wasn’t that good. FML
Today, my grandmother gave me a sex talk on how I should take "precautions", right in the middle of a packed bus station. I'm 21. FML
Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML
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Top comments
Rosemary072098 11
Grandma knows what she's talking about ;)
BubbleGrunge 18
I think she's trying to teach you how NOT to gag.
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Comments (136)
Qwerty3773 0
Gag you with what? A **** so you could put those skills to use?!
skinnen 7
Ya but I damned sure bet you LOVE that pussy licked don't ya hon ?
Saikon1357 25
Your grandma is a smart woman. You'd better listen.
Cut3yPi3 7
How awkward. So... have you acquired the taste?
thattallguyfromc 2
ill gag you
The_9th_Doctor 18
that's the spirit
dbaguy 9
Gag me was a poor choice of words
pl0xs3rver 45
But the username made it even funnier.
Miaku 11
That seems like the app private word to use, if you know what I mean. ;)
jackspezzle 7
Sounds like a smart woman
ty4nier 16
i'm sure your well behaved husband would love to gag you. and you'd know how to handle to so thank your grandma.