Today, I was at my job as a bartender where I had to listen to a 40-something man with no legs drunkenly explain just how much he loves nipples. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while working at the bar, I accidentally spilled a beer on my chest. Several drunk men whistled and seemed to enjoy what they saw so much that they bought even more drinks and started coming onto me. My boss asked if I could do it again on my next shift. FML
Today, I walked in on my mom and her friends comparing the differences in their nipples. FML
Today, at my hotel job, I had to help a drunk naked guy back into his room. Earlier today, a fat old guy wearing only briefs came down to the lobby drunk as hell. I used to like my job. FML
Today, I was at the bar. A man started to hit on me. He claims to have a fetish for pregnant women. I'm not pregnant. FML
Today, I had some girlfriends over, while my parents were having a party at our house. My drunken dad decided to come down to the basement and show us all his third nipple. FML
Today, at work, I met a new client for the first time. Apparently he thought it would be a good idea to get drunk beforehand and spend the whole appointment telling me about his 9-inch "drill bit." I have to try and find this guy a job. FML
Today, at work I had to listen to a group of old men talk about double penetration. I work at a coffee shop. FML
Today, while putting a drip in the back of an elderly patient's hand, he commented that he didn't realise doctors had pierced nipples, but not to worry because he's only in the hospital "for the b*tches". FML
Today, while I was working at Starbucks, a man came in and placed his order. I made his drink, topped it with whipped cream, and put the lid on. Some cream was seeping out of the top. He looked at me and said, "Good… you left a nipple." and slowly licked it off. FML
Today, I went to the bar with some friends. When we walked in, we picked a table at random in the same area as a bunch of older men. The oldest, fattest, ugliest man at the table looked me over then stared at my chest. He then started to motorboat the air in the direction of my boobs. FML
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Top comments
MsSoulReaper 27
Just go with it, poor man has no legs and he's drinking his sorrows away :/
sskarma23 9
Hey it's the fisherman dude from family guy!
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Comments (124)
dagray40 7
It is Americas favorite pastime
Keyman1212 14
This can't be the truth, there's only a small percentage of Americans who are male, 40 something, and lack both legs. We're talking the pastime of a very, and I mean VERY small demographic.
zurisbloodyrose 0
Sigh. Nipples are America's favourite pastime. Not lack of legs. just because he doesn't have any legs, doesn't mean he can't like nipples like other people D:
trollfaced 2
He is probably a veteran
StoryOfTheYear 15
19- Everyone from Minnesota is a veteran. We have to survive those cheeseheads from Wisconsin. It's not an easy task.
XenaWP 6
As a bartender you better get used to it. That's going to be the least of your random customer conversations.
enonymous 9
There is not enough lube in America to contain my happiness of hearing this FML
Justin23L 2
America's favorite pastime is either eating or masterbating.
rbr0wn 3
So it's even worse because he has no legs? God, I can't imagine what your life would've been like if he'd only had one eye as well.
TheEmoSuperman 16
Why does the man having no legs have anything to do with this FML?
duhWINNING2_fml 9
Definitely is mine.(;
mcclure 0
RUN! he's got no legs
bacon1043 3
Sounds like a boob job.
bacon1043 3
I meant like an actual medical procedure
NotDave 0
You got even more downvotes when you tried to redeem yourself. I'd suggest not trying again.
StoryOfTheYear 15
Pointing it out didn't do you much good either so far, best to let him just wallow in his downvotes.
TheFlyingMan 8
Dave, let Bacon wallow in the mess he created. Leave him be.
clcbjj31 0
This whole thread is being thumbed down. Maybe if I say something clever, and unrelated to the other people drawing attention to the other's obvious mistakes, I won't be voted down.......?
Lanceeden 12
Thumb me down pls. Pls pls pls.
MsSoulReaper 27
Just go with it, poor man has no legs and he's drinking his sorrows away :/
dhall30 8
It's captain Dan from Forrest Gump.
hemz_fml 13
Does having no legs make it YOUR FML? quit being a botch and respect the man
Dr_Jalepenos 0
I know man botches these days
msmidnight1965 12
87- it's actually Lieutenant Dan tyvm... :/
Nolnah 14
He sounds like a nice guy.
xSonic 9
? well who doesn't love nipples ?
MrScholl 4
He's sounds nice, then..BAM! He's talking about your nipples
ImaginaryFoe 1
But he wasn't talking about OP's nipples, just nipples in general. Nipples are great. OP, you could've ended the conversation, changed the subject, or walked away. Nothing compels a bartender to listen to crap except for money. If the drunken rambler is a heavy tipper, you can excuse yourself "to take care of other customers" then come back a while later with a different topic to discuss.
AngryCanadian 0
LIEUTENANT DAN!
sskarma23 9
Hey it's the fisherman dude from family guy!
Mister_Triangle 21
Sounds more like Lt. Dan
Grimmerie 31
That's my boat.
Lanceeden 12
I brought you ice cream lieutenant Dan...iiiiccceee creeeaaam
tacovender 7
Let's play mumble peg!
ZebulonPike 8
65- interesting you should say that. I just saw Gary Sinese (Lieutenant Dan) narrating at the Candlelight performance at Disneyland!
Xero3g 5
So how much DID he love nipples?
chinkychick 16
Unfortunately, this comes with the job.
Kayokku 1
Dude, don't judge. Nipples are AWESOME.
lilpowers 3
Nipples aren't the half of it. Boobies are really what turn you on.
HoboSmeller 6
at least he wasn't talking about how much he loves feet... ps: who the hell votes this as a YDI?
Isoldael 27
People who think it comes with the job to listen to nonsense stories. If you don't want to listen to drunken gibberish, don't become a bartender.
Keyman1212 14
People who vote YDI think "gee, she works at a bar so she wears skimpy revealing clothing to garnish higher tips, which consequently gives this poor paraplegic the idea that it's okay to talk about her nipples, because 'she's practically doing a Brazilian tassel dance for me with them anyway.'" I will concede that I have never been to a bar where the women bartenders were prudently dressed however. Do the Amish have bars?
Vball6 19
I voted this YDI because of her mentioning his legs.. Made her sound shallow because his legs didn't have anything to do with the rest of the FML
TheBitchOfChuckN 7
It'sa description.........she mentioned his age but that didn't have anything to do with it.....
frokeyman92 9
Whew... Not the only one..
Namesuhate11 0
Lol