Today, I was at my job as a bartender where I had to listen to a 40-something man with no legs drunkenly explain just how much he loves nipples. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while working at the bar, I accidentally spilled a beer on my chest. Several drunk men whistled and seemed to enjoy what they saw so much that they bought even more drinks and started coming onto me. My boss asked if I could do it again on my next shift. FML
Today, I walked in on my mom and her friends comparing the differences in their nipples. FML
Today, at my hotel job, I had to help a drunk naked guy back into his room. Earlier today, a fat old guy wearing only briefs came down to the lobby drunk as hell. I used to like my job. FML
Today, I was at the bar. A man started to hit on me. He claims to have a fetish for pregnant women. I'm not pregnant. FML
Today, I had some girlfriends over, while my parents were having a party at our house. My drunken dad decided to come down to the basement and show us all his third nipple. FML
Today, at work, I met a new client for the first time. Apparently he thought it would be a good idea to get drunk beforehand and spend the whole appointment telling me about his 9-inch "drill bit." I have to try and find this guy a job. FML
Today, at work I had to listen to a group of old men talk about double penetration. I work at a coffee shop. FML
Today, while putting a drip in the back of an elderly patient's hand, he commented that he didn't realise doctors had pierced nipples, but not to worry because he's only in the hospital "for the b*tches". FML
Today, while I was working at Starbucks, a man came in and placed his order. I made his drink, topped it with whipped cream, and put the lid on. Some cream was seeping out of the top. He looked at me and said, "Good… you left a nipple." and slowly licked it off. FML
Today, I went to the bar with some friends. When we walked in, we picked a table at random in the same area as a bunch of older men. The oldest, fattest, ugliest man at the table looked me over then stared at my chest. He then started to motorboat the air in the direction of my boobs. FML
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Top comments
MsSoulReaper 27
Just go with it, poor man has no legs and he's drinking his sorrows away :/
sskarma23 9
Hey it's the fisherman dude from family guy!
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Comments (124)
aFreedom127 9
Hey I love nipples too.
osnapitzjp 0
Who doesn't?
aFreedom127 9
Guys with legs apparently.
lanekight 0
[email protected] hmu!
redmnky21 8
what are u a cripple and nipple hater?
carobug 6
I don't see the significance of mentioning that he didn't have both legs. It doesn't seem to contribute to the FML, in my opinion. Just so people know, I don't feel bad for the man. If I were to meet this man, I might strike up a conversation, but I would avoid talking about his legs, because he is a person like anybody else. Unless if he is a sad drunkard, then I would pity him.
metallicshadow 16
you're a bartender, what do you expect?
leadman1989 16
You should be glad you still have yours his legs and nipples were blown off in nam!
KK3137 31
Sounds like Lt. Dan from Forrest Gump
perdix 31
If loving nipples is wrong, I don't want to be right. If the amount he drinks is proportional to the amount he should tip you, I don't see the problems in hearing some thoughts about beautiful, tasty nipples. Sadly, without legs, he became drunker, faster on fewer drinks. May your next nipple poet be an obese man with all his limbs and a high tolerance for alcohol.
momo1972 3
You don't share his passion?
Mackenzie99 6
Well that's part of the job aha must have been amusing :$ aha
Joey44 15
Mmm, I just love how you felt that putting he had no legs would add to how "grotesque" the situation was, you idiotic pig dog.