Today, a cute guy approached me at a nightclub. I was really excited, until he drunkenly slurred, "Babe, I'd suck the farts from your asshole!" and then threw up everywhere. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I met a really cute girl at a club. At first, she told me I was cute. Then, she slurred that I look like "a spork on legs." Then she sprayed the inside of my mouth with vomit as she kissed me. FML
Today, I was drinking at the local pub and started talking to a really cute guy. I bent down to pick up my bag and the second I did, I felt like I was going to throw up. I clamped my mouth shut in the vain hope that I could block it but as I stood back up, vomit sprayed out through my nose. FML
Today, I was at a bar, when a heavily drunk guy came up to me and slurred "Fuucckkk lady, your face... not even with beer goggles!" FML
Today, I went to a party, and the girl I really like started telling me how much she likes me and how she thought we would be good together. I was so drunk I threw up on her. FML
Today, I finally made a move on the guy I've been crushing on for years… by getting so drunk that I puked in his lap. FML
Today, I finally kissed the guy I really love at a party. He took me outside and immediately vomited. FML
Today, while at a night club, I was wearing a brand new outfit that I absolutely loved. I was enjoying myself until I felt something wet drop onto my head and body from above. It was puke from a drunk guy in the V.I.P. section. FML
Today, I was at a party. A guy kept looking at me, so I tried to strike up a conversation with him. I realized he was drunk when he slurred, "Ya know, you're the only girl I've met that's fat AND flat chested!" There goes my self-esteem. FML
Today, I was sitting in a secluded corner of a coffee shop and felt extremely gassy. Thinking I'd be safe, I let out a pretty nasty smelling fart. Next thing I know, a cute guy is approaching me and asked my name, but all it took was for him to inhale once and he bolted. FML
Today, I got a drunken call from my boyfriend, which consisted of him telling me that he, "does man things like fuck bitches and roll with hoes," and that I've been, "trying to turn him into a half-ass girly man," but, "that shit ain't right." Then he threw up. FML
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Top comments
swanheart 35
Hope you got his number. He sounds like a keeper! :-/
iPixelCheese 19
Can't help but laugh at this. Someday you will probably look back and laugh too. As for now, FYL
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Comments (82)
Sebastian2022 22
At least he called you babe.
MikaykayUnicorn 36
It was going so well until he told her he'd suck the farts from her asshole. Damn.
slackerjoe 22
really? That line has worked dozens of times for me... must have been the puke
FreakyDino98 13
i really hope he^is joking because that is pretty pathetic
incoherentrmblr 22
In the words of George Carlton, "Blow it out your ass!..."
worldclassrager 41
Luckily he won't remember that...and I hope you don't have to remember it as well
iPixelCheese 19
She posted it on FML, pretty sure she will remember it.
rileyrae0000 23
That is vile
crackajak 15
I love obvious statements and push-up bras.
onlychildFTW 34
It's so vile he threw up just saying it!
Aimeejasmine 15
Who doesn't love push-up bras? Best invention ever.
rileyrae0000 23
That's cool, too bad I don't own any..
RenoTheRhino 30
Well, this thread is going off on a tangent.
swanheart 35
Hope you got his number. He sounds like a keeper! :-/
seenoevil818 13
Sounds like she got more than his number, fyl op.
Cads1 24
Learn to take a compliment no matter how it is delivered.
ohSNAPyall 27
Even if it was delivered anally?
LyricaSilvan 30
How exactly is saying you would inhale someone's farts a compliment?
cmchappy 25
Would he hold it like a bong hit?
arabian22 29
Well at least you can say you've never heard that pickup line before
lysx84 24
I'm wondering if OP's admirer was Scottish - I've heard this one a couple of times. Along with "I'd eat a mile of your shite just to see where it comes from".
PencilTips 19
That's very revolting to here... why would you give that specific example?
MRSwick2525 23
can say I never wanted to hear that pickup line, EVER!!!
siggy_mcsigx 22
I've actually heard this one. wasn't said to me, thank god.
drunkturtle 14
Maybe that's his thing
stain4 17
Both top comments have negative likes.
MRSwick2525 23
Hmmmm so does #10's funny how that happens, isn't it?
cOOkiEzRgOOd 22
That's a great story to tell, I'm entertained and I don't even know you. As long as you didn't get any vomit on you, I'd consider that a plus.
iPixelCheese 19
Can't help but laugh at this. Someday you will probably look back and laugh too. As for now, FYL