Today, a cute guy approached me at a nightclub. I was really excited, until he drunkenly slurred, "Babe, I'd suck the farts from your asshole!" and then threw up everywhere. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I met a really cute girl at a club. At first, she told me I was cute. Then, she slurred that I look like "a spork on legs." Then she sprayed the inside of my mouth with vomit as she kissed me. FML
Today, I was drinking at the local pub and started talking to a really cute guy. I bent down to pick up my bag and the second I did, I felt like I was going to throw up. I clamped my mouth shut in the vain hope that I could block it but as I stood back up, vomit sprayed out through my nose. FML
Today, I was at a bar, when a heavily drunk guy came up to me and slurred "Fuucckkk lady, your face... not even with beer goggles!" FML
Today, I went to a party, and the girl I really like started telling me how much she likes me and how she thought we would be good together. I was so drunk I threw up on her. FML
Today, I finally made a move on the guy I've been crushing on for years… by getting so drunk that I puked in his lap. FML
Today, I finally kissed the guy I really love at a party. He took me outside and immediately vomited. FML
Today, while at a night club, I was wearing a brand new outfit that I absolutely loved. I was enjoying myself until I felt something wet drop onto my head and body from above. It was puke from a drunk guy in the V.I.P. section. FML
Today, I was at a party. A guy kept looking at me, so I tried to strike up a conversation with him. I realized he was drunk when he slurred, "Ya know, you're the only girl I've met that's fat AND flat chested!" There goes my self-esteem. FML
Today, I was sitting in a secluded corner of a coffee shop and felt extremely gassy. Thinking I'd be safe, I let out a pretty nasty smelling fart. Next thing I know, a cute guy is approaching me and asked my name, but all it took was for him to inhale once and he bolted. FML
Today, I got a drunken call from my boyfriend, which consisted of him telling me that he, "does man things like fuck bitches and roll with hoes," and that I've been, "trying to turn him into a half-ass girly man," but, "that shit ain't right." Then he threw up. FML
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Top comments
swanheart 35
Hope you got his number. He sounds like a keeper! :-/
iPixelCheese 19
Can't help but laugh at this. Someday you will probably look back and laugh too. As for now, FYL
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Comments (82)
kovalsky_fml 10
I think what he meant to say was something along the lines of, "you're so beautiful I would go to great lengths to get to know you better and more intimately", or he actually wants to suck your farts.. Not sure really
lysx84 24
#13 I thought a disgusting example such as this was entirely relevant to the original FML... some people are just, y'know, totally ****** up and inappropriate. Not just Scots btw, those are just the ones I see most of.
az1z_official 17
Damn, that boy means business apart from the throwing up part
bulletsinthewind 21
Well, at least what he said was meant as a compliment. A weird, gross compliment, but still a compliment. He sounds like the type of guy that ruins the fun for those around him, however
CoopsShea 11
Very romantic
BantasaurusRex 13
Classy
Dave_Davington 34
Hey, the guy likes to suck farts out of people's arseholes. Can you really blame him for having a barf?
hoosiergirl94 31
And they say chivalry is dead
whassallt26 13
On a scale of 1-suck a fart out your ass, would you say you're pretty?
lfrider92 21
It sounds like he wants to eat your booty like groceries. ?
Onoconah 11
sounds like a shitty effort.. nobody? ok...