Today, a cute guy approached me at a nightclub. I was really excited, until he drunkenly slurred, "Babe, I'd suck the farts from your asshole!" and then threw up everywhere. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I met a really cute girl at a club. At first, she told me I was cute. Then, she slurred that I look like "a spork on legs." Then she sprayed the inside of my mouth with vomit as she kissed me. FML
Today, I was drinking at the local pub and started talking to a really cute guy. I bent down to pick up my bag and the second I did, I felt like I was going to throw up. I clamped my mouth shut in the vain hope that I could block it but as I stood back up, vomit sprayed out through my nose. FML
Today, I was at a bar, when a heavily drunk guy came up to me and slurred "Fuucckkk lady, your face... not even with beer goggles!" FML
Today, I went to a party, and the girl I really like started telling me how much she likes me and how she thought we would be good together. I was so drunk I threw up on her. FML
Today, I finally made a move on the guy I've been crushing on for years… by getting so drunk that I puked in his lap. FML
Today, I finally kissed the guy I really love at a party. He took me outside and immediately vomited. FML
Today, while at a night club, I was wearing a brand new outfit that I absolutely loved. I was enjoying myself until I felt something wet drop onto my head and body from above. It was puke from a drunk guy in the V.I.P. section. FML
Today, I was at a party. A guy kept looking at me, so I tried to strike up a conversation with him. I realized he was drunk when he slurred, "Ya know, you're the only girl I've met that's fat AND flat chested!" There goes my self-esteem. FML
Today, I was sitting in a secluded corner of a coffee shop and felt extremely gassy. Thinking I'd be safe, I let out a pretty nasty smelling fart. Next thing I know, a cute guy is approaching me and asked my name, but all it took was for him to inhale once and he bolted. FML
Today, I got a drunken call from my boyfriend, which consisted of him telling me that he, "does man things like fuck bitches and roll with hoes," and that I've been, "trying to turn him into a half-ass girly man," but, "that shit ain't right." Then he threw up. FML
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Top comments
swanheart 35
Hope you got his number. He sounds like a keeper! :-/
iPixelCheese 19
Can't help but laugh at this. Someday you will probably look back and laugh too. As for now, FYL
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Comments (82)
dont_touch_my_ca 8
Hey you must have been om your game tonight! most dont suck the farts right off the bat. Good for you!
Highonlife1 10
at least he eats the booty like groceries
mattyiscool123 26
Threw up on you and everywhere of just everywhere?
Bryce8 11
Sucking facts and breaking hearts
brownapple 22
Farts* sorry couldn't hold it in
kandysnow 18
Why do I feel like that man is my soul mate
daemonsparta 16
because you like a man who goes down in the back?
ItalianGuy23 6
well if this is the pick up game these days I am suuuuper rusty lol
Dexter83_fml 17
Hope doesn't kiss anyone with that mouth .... Get it ?
RealSuperSand 21
Just no... This is why we can't have nice things.
lissabobissa 18
This is hilarious! Thank you for making my night, and sorry you had to go through that op!
Witchylady 18
What a charmer!!!