Today, a cute guy approached me at a nightclub. I was really excited, until he drunkenly slurred, "Babe, I'd suck the farts from your asshole!" and then threw up everywhere. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I met a really cute girl at a club. At first, she told me I was cute. Then, she slurred that I look like "a spork on legs." Then she sprayed the inside of my mouth with vomit as she kissed me. FML
Today, I was drinking at the local pub and started talking to a really cute guy. I bent down to pick up my bag and the second I did, I felt like I was going to throw up. I clamped my mouth shut in the vain hope that I could block it but as I stood back up, vomit sprayed out through my nose. FML
Today, I was at a bar, when a heavily drunk guy came up to me and slurred "Fuucckkk lady, your face... not even with beer goggles!" FML
Today, I went to a party, and the girl I really like started telling me how much she likes me and how she thought we would be good together. I was so drunk I threw up on her. FML
Today, I finally made a move on the guy I've been crushing on for years… by getting so drunk that I puked in his lap. FML
Today, I finally kissed the guy I really love at a party. He took me outside and immediately vomited. FML
Today, while at a night club, I was wearing a brand new outfit that I absolutely loved. I was enjoying myself until I felt something wet drop onto my head and body from above. It was puke from a drunk guy in the V.I.P. section. FML
Today, I was at a party. A guy kept looking at me, so I tried to strike up a conversation with him. I realized he was drunk when he slurred, "Ya know, you're the only girl I've met that's fat AND flat chested!" There goes my self-esteem. FML
Today, I was sitting in a secluded corner of a coffee shop and felt extremely gassy. Thinking I'd be safe, I let out a pretty nasty smelling fart. Next thing I know, a cute guy is approaching me and asked my name, but all it took was for him to inhale once and he bolted. FML
Today, I got a drunken call from my boyfriend, which consisted of him telling me that he, "does man things like fuck bitches and roll with hoes," and that I've been, "trying to turn him into a half-ass girly man," but, "that shit ain't right." Then he threw up. FML
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Top comments
swanheart 35
Hope you got his number. He sounds like a keeper! :-/
iPixelCheese 19
Can't help but laugh at this. Someday you will probably look back and laugh too. As for now, FYL
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Comments (82)
KaidensCrow 18
Lol... that is awesome... honestly though I would have taken it as you're beautiful and he wanted to worship your body... too bad he had too much to drink before he came to talk to you... it probably would have gone over better. :)
DustenSky 11
Was his name Zoro?
ItalianGuy23 6
still kinda a compliment I guess it's something lol
couwa12 7
And people say chivalry is dead.
jerome74 1
He's just full of hot air.
CaptainSmith28 19
That's actually a pretty nice compliment!
thenielsens 12
He could of dis you on have no ass! Instead complimented you on how great your ass was that we is willing to suck some ass farts
LostInTheZone11 29
The wise words of a true romantic right there.
ForGodAndMusic 12
Good to know chivalry isn't dead.
josace 9
That sucks, I'm sorry op. I mean no offense, but that was still the funniest thing I've read all day.