Sore loser
Today, my boyfriend and I were play-fighting. I managed to pin him down and win. He saw my grin, snorted, and bitterly said I'd only won because, "let's face it, you're a bit of a porker, eh babe?" FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were play-fighting. I managed to pin him down and win. He saw my grin, snorted, and bitterly said I'd only won because, "let's face it, you're a bit of a porker, eh babe?" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while arm wrestling with my boyfriend, I had to pretend he beat me. FML
Today, my boyfriend grabbed my love handles. It tickled, so I giggled and squirmed out of his grip. He looked at me quizzically and said, "I'm surprised you still have feeling there with all that fat." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were play fighting. He said, "I should stop trying to hurt you," before punching me in the face. I lost a tooth. He found it hilarious. FML
Today, I was being a little playful with my boyfriend when we began wrestling. He then put me in a choking headlock and wouldn't let me out until I "tapped out". FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were play-wrestling on the bed, when he started to tickle me. I tried to pull away but he pushed me back down. I ended up hitting my eye on the corner of the nightstand. His comment was "this is why you shouldn't struggle." FML
Today, my girlfriend thought she was stronger than me so we arm wrestled. She won. I used both hands. FML
Today, my girlfriend called me a lazy pig. To prove her wrong, I decided to go lift some weights. A few reps in, my arm cracked and my first reaction was to squeal like a pig. FML
Today, I cheated at card games to let my boyfriend win. I did it because I don't like him to throw the cards at me when I win. Now he just thinks I'm "so slow a turtle could kick my ass" and that he has "a cute little bubbly spud-brained girlfriend." FML
Today, I was play-wrestling with my girlfriend. I ended up with a cut, three bruises on my arm and a black eye. She just giggled the entire time. FML
Today, my boyfriend was stroking my stomach and looking into my eyes. It was very romantic, until he grabbed my love handles and said, "Mmmm... bacon..." FML
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Top comments
stephhrunsaway 21
Porker? He's the real pig for getting butt hurt like that.
mimiminx 23
What a bastard! I hope you crushed him til he screamed for saying that!
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Comments (123)
ileenefudge 29
Wow...that was rude of him
zandalee 20
Any man who calls a woman a porker needs to be pushed to the kerb! I'm afraid some Australian men can act like pigs towards women.
gracehi 33
You know, I've heard that. I'm in the US Navy, and my male sailor friends tell me that whenever they make port in Australia, women are all over them because Australian men are so mean to their women.
Ins0mau 20
Sadly, some men in general can act like pigs toward their women. I dunno what Australia has got to do with it. Maybe I'm biased because I'm an Australian man, but my girlfriend certainly wouldn't describe me that way!
junkman6 22
17 - that's an absolute truth. It's amazing how much they enjoy us over there. Even when we are being a bit rowdy they say its fun and I've been told by more than one Aussie woman that were so much "nicer." All I can say is any group of men who are out "niced" by submariners on a port call, well they have to be complete dicks.
folgy 10
It's got nothing to do with race or heritage the problem is in the bastard regardless of there origin to single out Australians is just a bunch of cog wash, go anywhere in the world and ask woman how great the male species are and I'm sure they will tell you they're worse in there country.
gracehi 33
54, That's what I thought when I wad told that! I was like, "But... But... You guys are assholes!"
gracehi 33
56, That could not be further grin the truth. Respect for women varies greatly in different cultures and countries. Visit the US, Asia, and the Middle East and see for yourself. Although, I would think that Australian men would be more respectful towards women, given that the live in a sort of "western" culture, but I can't speak from personal experience. I only know what I've heard.
gracehi 33
*from
folgy 10
60- places such as the Middle East not that it is excused but to them that is religion and culture in places such as the US and European countries I've heard from a lot of people the men in there countries are well just righteous pigs and blatant animals and as I have come from a ethnic background being European I've seen it first hand, lucky it is not my father but uncles grandfather ect who display such ignorant and animalistic acts.
gracehi 33
So you're saying all men everywhere are brutish barbarians? K. Nice chat.
junkman6 22
56 - your comments are naive and pathetic attempts to sound politically correct. Travel the world a little bit and your perfect little college boy outlook will be shattered.
Ins0mau 20
I think it's interesting that if you generalise ANYTHING about Americans in FML and you are thumbed down into oblivion and called ignorant. However other countries are considered fair game. e.g "Americans are fat/uneducated"="you're so racist!!!... Stereotypes are for the ignorant" "Australian men are all arseholes"="Ah yes, interesting cultural observation..." You can really tell it's primarily a U.S site.
Ins0mau 20
Also, women out for a one night stand with an exotic foreign sailor are gonna be more impressed with said sailor than their local exes. Doesn't matter the country. Not a good cross section to base your opinions on.
karlcolt45 19
oh yeah! Aussie girls rule!
pdp_fml 21
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I know this is sexist, but maybe your boyfriend is a bit non athletic and a possible nerdy type. Maybe you should have let him win so he could retain his manhood.
FarFromSocial 9
It doesn't matter why he lost. Nothing gave him the right to call her a porker.
Kiki242 19
If thats the case then he should hit the gym instead of insulting people out of butt hurtiness.
DocBastard 40
"I know this is sexist, but..." That's like saying, "No offense" and thinking it gives you the right to say something offensive by qualifying it as such first. It doesn't. That WAS sexist, and you should be ashamed of thinking that way.
ashhfrgvbdgovss 6
No maybe they just wanted to say that they know its sexist so that rude people didn't comment on how sexist it was.
RedPillSucks 33
If she has to "let him win to retain his manhood" then he doesn't have any to begin with. Loosing to a woman doesn't make you less of a man, and insulting a woman doesn't make you more of a man.
limitedition 25
Or maybe he should accept himself for the person he is - instead of acting like a bratty 2 year old when he lost a play fight with his gf
gracehi 33
Any time my boyfriend suggests that I'm chubby, I remind him that he's no Charles Atlas either.
Schizomaniac 24
Sounds like a healthy relationship.
gracehi 33
It is. It's just harmless teasing all in good fun. My boyfriend would never be mean to me like OP's boyfriend.
Enslaved 38
Charles Atlas? "In seven days, I can make you a man." Has someone been watching "The Rocky Horror Picture Show"? Btw gracehi, there's another person that has your same doggie picture. Threw me for a loop thinking it was you at first.
folgy 10
16- why are you so quick to judge they op's boyfriend is a asshole then but exclaim your boyfriend does the same thing ? But then defend he would never be "that mean" as op's boyfriend ? For all any of us know it literally could of been a harmless joke admittedly in bad taste and OP could just be over reacting don't be so hasty to judge.
gracehi 33
57, Because my boyfriend had ms never actually used the word "porker" or any other synonym of "fat."
folgy 10
I'm not defending the boyfriend because I am a male however for all we know it could have just been a joke in extremely poor taste or maybe Optimus Primes boyfriend really is a asshat either way to judge so quickly and so harshly is not very fair.
folgy 10
Seriously my phone actually auto corrected OP to Optimus Prime. Just wow
gracehi 33
He "snorted" the insult because he was a sore loser. Whether or not he's generally a dick, that is pretty immature and dickish behavior.
gracehi 33
Enslaved, there must be an imposter afoot. Perhaps it's time for me to change my profile pic a again. I was think adorable kitty, but perhaps that's too cliche. What do you think?
Enslaved 38
Hmmm. . . Anything but that scary ass dog should be fine. *cringes* I first noticed your comments when you had your cute picture theming "Raiders of the Lost Ark" I still have a huge crush on Indy. I'm sure you'll find something great! "Goo goo goo joob"
Wizzlbang 10
you two sound ******* adorable
melolune 9
I'm sure he's just jealous of your muscles. 'Let's face it, you can't get up with all that pork hanging off you, eh hun?'
BLACKSAGE 4
Someones a sore loser
pkmntrainer017 8
just embarrassed he was pinned down by a girl,
MakeTodayADTR 20
Sounds like it could be a Muppets joke xD It ain't easy being green is it, Kermit?