Today, whilst texting my boyfriend on the train, I noticed the woman sitting next to me staring intently at my phone. After letting my boyfriend know, he sent a message saying, "Are we gonna involve the dog again? Last night was fun." She gasped and screamed that I'm a "twisted dog-humping bitch." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was getting a bit intimate with my boyfriend. Just when things were getting interesting, my dog managed to get into my room. He jumped on the bed and my boyfriend spent the next 20 minutes playing with the dog, while I sat next to him, half naked. FML
Today, My girlfriend and I were watching tv when suddenly one of our phones start going off. We both have the same phone and they were next to each other. She picks up the phone and reads the text message, "I wish you were here! I'd fuck you silly" She gets pissed and runs out. It was her phone. FML
Today, I got a text message while driving home. I checked after arriving, and found it was a kinky text from my boyfriend, so I sent him an even kinkier reply. He later raged at me, because I somehow should have known he was showing off his phone to his mom when I sent my reply. FML
Today, while I was waiting for the train, a woman sat next to me. Her dog jumped up between us and I started petting it. She took this to mean we were now close enough for her to tell me in detail about her experience so far going through the menopause. FML
Today, I sent a kinky text message to my boyfriend. Within minutes I got a reply of, "Whoever this is, fuck off and give my girlfriend's phone back." Apparently I'm so bad at writing sexy messages that my boyfriend thought it was a prank from someone who'd stolen my phone. FML
Today, I tried turning on my boyfriend by sending him naughty pictures and texts, describing in detail all the things I was going to do to him when we have the house to ourselves this weekend. He responded by quoting that crappy movie 'The Room', saying, "Oh hi doggie!" FML
Today, I had a date with a woman. She brought her dog along. Everytime I touched her, her jealous male dog began to bark and tried to bite me. FML
Today, my girlfriend berated me for my "lack of communication skills", all while deeply engrossed with something on her phone. FML
Today, after my boyfriend told me I didn’t have to worry about the ex who kept commenting on his pictures, I saw him sexting her when I leaned forward to tell him something from the back of our friend's car. FML
Today, my dog carried on with his recent habit of trying to hump me. When I told my mom, she just joked that he's my new boyfriend. Now my whole family is just calling him my boyfriend. FML
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Top comments
Zestus 19
You should've gone along with it to freak her out even more for laughs. Like wink at her or something.
Firuzzy 10
People don't know when to mind their own business anymore.
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Comments (127)
Agordoni83 6
I think it's funny. That's what the lady gets for being nosey. She needs to mind her own business. But at the same time you should have moved your phone so she couldn't see
ckrider64 8
your boyfriends awesome. marry that man
buckeyed 20
59--thats the joke. its a mean girls quote
Nydeira 11
By any chance is your name Alyssa Rosales?
evilscorpi 29
i had people lean in on my phone conversations and honestly if your going to look at my phone be discreet about it. not lean over and comment on what you just read. smh
Obey_StudBoii 23
Haha your bf sounds like an awesome man. He's a keeper.
still_guns 16
To be honest, she shouldn't be peering anyways.
AKGirlinSD 20
27, that line is so hilarious! And I think that nosey woman on the bus learned a lesson about minding her own business. OP, you and your boyfriend seem like an awesome couple; you're able to take an awkward situation and make a joke out of it between you two. I love doing that with my boyfriend.
akiahara 14
Well played. Nosey bitch deserved it.
Hawaii84 16
That's awesome you should have played along to freak her out. She has no business reading your texts. Or try to find another seat away from her snooping ass.