Today, whilst texting my boyfriend on the train, I noticed the woman sitting next to me staring intently at my phone. After letting my boyfriend know, he sent a message saying, "Are we gonna involve the dog again? Last night was fun." She gasped and screamed that I'm a "twisted dog-humping bitch." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was getting a bit intimate with my boyfriend. Just when things were getting interesting, my dog managed to get into my room. He jumped on the bed and my boyfriend spent the next 20 minutes playing with the dog, while I sat next to him, half naked. FML
Today, My girlfriend and I were watching tv when suddenly one of our phones start going off. We both have the same phone and they were next to each other. She picks up the phone and reads the text message, "I wish you were here! I'd fuck you silly" She gets pissed and runs out. It was her phone. FML
Today, I got a text message while driving home. I checked after arriving, and found it was a kinky text from my boyfriend, so I sent him an even kinkier reply. He later raged at me, because I somehow should have known he was showing off his phone to his mom when I sent my reply. FML
Today, while I was waiting for the train, a woman sat next to me. Her dog jumped up between us and I started petting it. She took this to mean we were now close enough for her to tell me in detail about her experience so far going through the menopause. FML
Today, I sent a kinky text message to my boyfriend. Within minutes I got a reply of, "Whoever this is, fuck off and give my girlfriend's phone back." Apparently I'm so bad at writing sexy messages that my boyfriend thought it was a prank from someone who'd stolen my phone. FML
Today, I tried turning on my boyfriend by sending him naughty pictures and texts, describing in detail all the things I was going to do to him when we have the house to ourselves this weekend. He responded by quoting that crappy movie 'The Room', saying, "Oh hi doggie!" FML
Today, I had a date with a woman. She brought her dog along. Everytime I touched her, her jealous male dog began to bark and tried to bite me. FML
Today, my girlfriend berated me for my "lack of communication skills", all while deeply engrossed with something on her phone. FML
Today, after my boyfriend told me I didn’t have to worry about the ex who kept commenting on his pictures, I saw him sexting her when I leaned forward to tell him something from the back of our friend's car. FML
Today, my dog carried on with his recent habit of trying to hump me. When I told my mom, she just joked that he's my new boyfriend. Now my whole family is just calling him my boyfriend. FML
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Top comments
Zestus 19
You should've gone along with it to freak her out even more for laughs. Like wink at her or something.
Firuzzy 10
People don't know when to mind their own business anymore.
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Comments (127)
Firuzzy 10
People don't know when to mind their own business anymore.
wlddog 14
Turn around and ask her for her phone. That way you can shove your nose in her business and everything would be fair.
TheGodDamnJoker 9
I really don't see the Issue here. I mean op (a "twisted bitch") is only humping another dog right? It's only natural for dogs to hump each other.
TheSnakeDoctor20 17
I see you finally gave in to your attractive boyfriend.
Crazynopantsman 11
She couldn't stay away from that Golden Retriever
Catkam623 27
*labrador
Karalela44 15
Guys, guys...it's all about Red Dobermans
budnut 10
I would turn off the phone and just stare back at her.
weveevee 3
And smile intently.
Zestus 19
You should've gone along with it to freak her out even more for laughs. Like wink at her or something.
nanxi 30
And then invite her to join the party. :D
kozzard 17
"Hey, don't knock it till you try it!"
gc327072 31
Then the phone rings playing "the bad touch"
tygerarmy 35
You and me baby ain't nothing but mammals...
MidnaLink 35
... doing like they do on the discovery channel.
Mortoli 30
Nah nah bitch her out to mind her own business without saying anything bout the comment. Then reply to him saying alright can't wait to get home ;)... Lol of course make sure she looking.
harrypotter955 19
1-800- choke dat hoe
not_a_robot 15
How at all is this relevant to the FML? Am I missing something?
miketopgunmike1 25
Because the dumb bitch is nosing her way into op's conversation which she had no reason to be a part of 34....... I swear some people are just stupid
Zomg_Okay 27
I don't know, 44. I think 34 has a point, I still can't see where farming implements come into this or what attempting to strangle them would accomplish.
diaosi 4
I thumbed it down for the use of "dat"
ovechkinisbeast 9
That's when you smack a bitch
lilhellian 27
In this day and age.. People like that are almost as rare as virgins..
LovesSushi 25
That's what people get for being nosey. Your boyfriend sounds hilarious though!
Nath1G 4
Well if you're a bitch.. Your not doing anything wrong
Nath1G 4
you're** Siiiigh
G97Alex 21
Correcting people while having an apparent superiority complex doesn't help you get thumbs up.
Axipiter 24
Uhhh... He corrected himself...
charvisioku 22
65: Neither does failing to notice the username is the same on both posts :p
nooshGol 15
Wow that sucks OP. People need to mind their own business.