Today, whilst texting my boyfriend on the train, I noticed the woman sitting next to me staring intently at my phone. After letting my boyfriend know, he sent a message saying, "Are we gonna involve the dog again? Last night was fun." She gasped and screamed that I'm a "twisted dog-humping bitch." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was getting a bit intimate with my boyfriend. Just when things were getting interesting, my dog managed to get into my room. He jumped on the bed and my boyfriend spent the next 20 minutes playing with the dog, while I sat next to him, half naked. FML
Today, My girlfriend and I were watching tv when suddenly one of our phones start going off. We both have the same phone and they were next to each other. She picks up the phone and reads the text message, "I wish you were here! I'd fuck you silly" She gets pissed and runs out. It was her phone. FML
Today, I got a text message while driving home. I checked after arriving, and found it was a kinky text from my boyfriend, so I sent him an even kinkier reply. He later raged at me, because I somehow should have known he was showing off his phone to his mom when I sent my reply. FML
Today, while I was waiting for the train, a woman sat next to me. Her dog jumped up between us and I started petting it. She took this to mean we were now close enough for her to tell me in detail about her experience so far going through the menopause. FML
Today, I sent a kinky text message to my boyfriend. Within minutes I got a reply of, "Whoever this is, fuck off and give my girlfriend's phone back." Apparently I'm so bad at writing sexy messages that my boyfriend thought it was a prank from someone who'd stolen my phone. FML
Today, I tried turning on my boyfriend by sending him naughty pictures and texts, describing in detail all the things I was going to do to him when we have the house to ourselves this weekend. He responded by quoting that crappy movie 'The Room', saying, "Oh hi doggie!" FML
Today, I had a date with a woman. She brought her dog along. Everytime I touched her, her jealous male dog began to bark and tried to bite me. FML
Today, my girlfriend berated me for my "lack of communication skills", all while deeply engrossed with something on her phone. FML
Today, after my boyfriend told me I didn’t have to worry about the ex who kept commenting on his pictures, I saw him sexting her when I leaned forward to tell him something from the back of our friend's car. FML
Today, my dog carried on with his recent habit of trying to hump me. When I told my mom, she just joked that he's my new boyfriend. Now my whole family is just calling him my boyfriend. FML
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Top comments
Zestus 19
You should've gone along with it to freak her out even more for laughs. Like wink at her or something.
Firuzzy 10
People don't know when to mind their own business anymore.
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Comments (127)
jamnglamgirlie 17
Normally when I notice someone reading my shit I put it away.
mosiz 3
So am I... fml
JetteLette 9
I would find that hilarious
acerima 11
Man, she is a true asshat. But your BF was awesome with that response.
daytoday21 10
This is neither fml or ydi, just hilarious. Weren't you trying to mess with her? Congratulations, you succeeded :)
onorexveritas 24
why didn't you just turn away?
jack_splat 11
I think you should have claimed it was about jogging and said "People really do that.? How do you know about such things?"
jack_splat 11
I think you should have claimed it was about jogging and said "People really do that.? How do you know about such things?"
WelcomeToAndale 13
Why didn't you tell the woman to stop looking at your phone? Or get up and move somewhere where you could text in private?
Jharrist89 12
Should have told her that you wanted to involve her too!