Today, I tried to demonstrate to my friend how laughably dull our kitchen knives are by swiping one across my palm. Turns out Dad noticed the problem yesterday and sharpened them. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I learned how to sharpen a knife. I sharpened it so well that it went through my finger like a lightsaber. FML
Today, as part of his crusade to drive me mad by “helping” in the kitchen, my dad used an entire bottle of expensive olive oil I brought from Greece to make fried bread for his breakfast, and he used the edge of my Japanese chef's knife to loosen a screw, so it now has a giant hairline crack. FML
Today, I washed the dishes for my mom while she was out, as they seemed to be piling up. I accidentally sliced my hand with a knife in the process. After a trip to the hospital, it was revealed she'd been leaving those dishes there "to teach dad a lesson." FML
Today, I managed to cut myself twice with a Swiss army knife. Stabbed in one hand and sliced a finger on the other. Good to know it's super sharp. FML
Today, I was helping my friend wash dishes. As I went to grab some tongs to dry them, I impaled my forearm on a knife that was sticking blade up. My friend wanted to finish the dishes before taking me to the hospital. FML
Today, I was helping tidy up after my girlfriend's flat warming. I went to put a sharp kitchen knife in the sink while she was washing dishes, and stabbed her in the finger instead. FML
Today, while demonstrating our new meat slicer at work, and after sharpening the blade at the end of the demonstration, I noticed some metal powder. I grabbed a rag to wipe it off, not realizing the blade was still in the “open” position. I now have six stitches and a really painful finger. FML
Today, I was simply trying to fix my skateboard wheels with my pocket knife. The tip suddenly broke off, leaving me horrified. It was my favorite knife, which I inherited from my dad who abandoned me when I was 4. FML
Today, I'm a chef and I had a new set of knives delivered. My boss says to me, ''Be careful with your new knives, they're going to be sharp. You don't want to cut your nail off.'' Not 2 minutes later I chop my whole nail off my right index. He jinxed me. FML
Today, I was telling my younger brother and sister how important it is to know how to use a knife properly, all while slicing potatoes. Just as I was saying how stupid people can be with knives, the potato slipped on the counter. I sliced open my hand while talking about knife safety. FML
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Top comments
itsme88 0
Duh, you can cut yourself with a dull knife as well. YDI.
Boddmon 0
You should have demonstrated on your neck instead of your palm. Perhaps then the punishment for your stupidity would have been more suitable.
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Comments (197)
killabeast1 0
EMO!!!!!
RileyL29 0
******* idiot. It's not FML, it's **** the lives of the people around you because they have to deal with your dumb ass.
smartman136 8
wow i want to hear wht u were thinking before u did tht " hmm knife hand = fun? lets try it!" and u were later called emo i guess total ydi
wierdo16 0
That says YDI all over.
Frank155 5
YDI dumbass
MizzHollywood 0
aren't most FMLs fake? Well judging by the amount of people who believe this then 1. the world is full of dumb shit (such as the OP) 2. the world is full of extremely gullible people. hmmm.
nessalujin 0
Wow, these days 13 and 14 year old are so bored they have to show their friends how dull a knife is for entertainment? FYL
FruityLoooons 8
OP. You KNOW you deserved it.
XanimalloverX 0
You deserve it for taking a knife and swiping it across your palm. You obviously too stupid to realize how incredibly stupid it is to play with knives even if they are dull.
melissabaaby 0
Ohhhhman. I cringed. That sucks, dude. Maybe you should have checked it first? Just saying..