Today, I'm a chef and I had a new set of knives delivered. My boss says to me, ''Be careful with your new knives, they're going to be sharp. You don't want to cut your nail off.'' Not 2 minutes later I chop my whole nail off my right index. He jinxed me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, at work teaching a cooking class, one of the kids asked if they could use a knife to help me chop vegetables. I said no, because it was very sharp and only staff members are allowed to use them. Just as I said that, the knife sliced through the tip of my thumb. FML
Today, I managed to cut myself twice with a Swiss army knife. Stabbed in one hand and sliced a finger on the other. Good to know it's super sharp. FML
Today, while working at a fine-dining restaurant, I was dicing veggies. I was paying such close attention to make sure the veggies were all the same size, that I managed to cut off the tip of my thumb. FML
Today, visiting my partner’s family for the first time, I offered to help cook, saying I could chop the vegetables. Five minutes later, I nicked my finger, dropped the knife, and instinctively said a very loud curse word in front of their very traditional grandparents. Everyone froze while someone went to get me a bandage. FML
Today, I learned how to sharpen a knife. I sharpened it so well that it went through my finger like a lightsaber. FML
Today, I was warning a girl in my art class to be careful with a Stanley knife, as she had managed to cut her finger quite badly. Just as I said it, I sliced my finger open with a Stanley knife. FML
Today, while demonstrating our new meat slicer at work, and after sharpening the blade at the end of the demonstration, I noticed some metal powder. I grabbed a rag to wipe it off, not realizing the blade was still in the “open” position. I now have six stitches and a really painful finger. FML
Today, I was emptying the cutlery section of the dishwasher when I reached down and accidentally got the tip of a steak knife wedged half-way under my fingernail. My mum yelled at me for getting blood on the clean dishes. FML
Today, I was working in a deli when I cut more meat than I intended; I basically removed my fingerprint via the deli slicer. FML
Today, on my building site, I asked one of the guys to pass me a screwdriver. He threw it so hard that when I caught it, it stabbed into the meat of my finger and came clean out the other side. Now all the guys keep joking I got royally screwed. The jokes are worse than the pain. FML
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Top comments
ned diggers 14
I guess finger food was on the menu for the day.
MidnaLink 35
Please… GO AWAY!
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Comments (13)
ned diggers 14
I guess finger food was on the menu for the day.
IAmClay 24
This story is a nail biter... or a nail cutter
julfunky 29
No, he didn’t.
acmariner99 25
No, you're just an idiot
RichardPencil 32
That's such a specific guess for the type of injury that would happen. You could say that your boss... ...wait on it... ...nailed it!
Mungolikecandy 19
How is it an FML that someone does not listen to advice and a minute later does what they were warned about?
Mr_Mole 24
Very oddly specific thing to say. I’ve never heard of anyone cutting their nail off. Finger tips but not specifically just the nail.